Scary Humor

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Sweet Inspirations

I submitted the following snippet to a writing contest sponsored by a purveyor of French wine in America several years ago. A New York fireman won. I think he entered a chili recipe. I’m considering submitting the opening sentence for the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

The French country lifestyle inspires me to write fiction that I would share with America, fiction soft as a delicate meadow flower waving gently on a summer breeze along the side of a stone wall where a lovely young girl sits reading her Francisque-Anatole Belval-Delahaye and sheds tears not because Par le Fer et par la Torche inspires tears, which it does in sensitive young hearts, but because of Francisque-Anatole’s senseless death of influenza at Romans, Drone, so close to the end of the first war. She closes the book upon a flower (she doesn’t know the name of it) to save the page and plucks a grape from the dark red bunch upon her plate next to the Saint Agur and those silly American crackers she picked up on her trip to Dallas last year. Her friend takes her hand, nearly scrunching the cracker. She looks at him with dark eyes still moist from her Belval-Delahaye and he smiles. He offers her the wine he brought home from his trip to Chicago. She wonders at first why the bicyclette on the label must be red, then looks about and says, “But of course.”

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Writing Literary Suspense

Fiction writers are the explorers of the deep places within our hearts as we seek the nature of relationships and create characters out of the dust and ashes of old memories. We slash paths through the tangled rain forest of our inner selves.

You can't blaze new trails without picking up a few scratches, mosquito and spider bites, and an occasional run in with a poisonous snake. Better dress for the occasion when you go delving into the secret places of the heart.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Wisdom

When I entered the coffee shop, one customer stood in line. Behind the counter, three attractive teenage girls bounced with youthful joy.

As it turned out, the woman in front of me was the mother of the first young lady behind the counter, the one on the left. When her daughter gave her the drink, her mother said something sweet, “Thank you, my blessed beauty.”

The girl in the middle brightened. “Hey, that’s what my mother calls me!”

The third girl, the one on the right, cast her eyes upon the floor. “My mom calls me her ‘blessed mistake.’”

We sometimes say things to our children as a joke or to tease them, not meaning the words to be hurtful at all, but we forget who we are in their eyes and how much our children look to us, even in their teen years, for approval and recognition. The young lady attempted to cover her hurt with a forced smile.

When my turn came, the young lady on the left took my order and the one on the right, her mom’s “blessed mistake,” filled it for me.

Is there wisdom in keeping quiet at such times, giving my silent approval to the pain upon a stranger’s face? On the other side of the stainless steel machinery, she started making my drink. When she looked up at me, I said, “You were never a mistake, you were a gift.” She smiled and held back all but one tear that trickled down her right cheek as she whispered a hoarse “Thank you.” When she handed me my drink, I found I was blessed with the richest, most chocolaty cafĂ© mocha I had ever tasted. So I guess we blessed each other that afternoon and there’s wisdom in that certainly.

When are our words blessed gifts and when are they blessed mistakes? Wisdom, it seems, is silent until the question itself is asked. Wisdom knows when to speak and when to refrain from speaking. Wisdom knows when to question and when not to question. Wisdom knows when to bless and when to withhold a blessing. Wisdom knows when to teach and when not to teach. Wisdom endures the bad times knowing good times will follow. Wisdom knows in which direction to travel and which path to take, for wisdom knows the goal and is steadfast in achieving the goal.

What is wisdom? Wisdom is not knowledge, for knowledge alone goes nowhere. Wisdom is not cunning for cunning alone does not bless. Wisdom is not intuition, for intuition alone knows no discretion. Wisdom does not reside in the head alone, but also in the heart. Wisdom is the product of a heart that seeks faith, hope and love for these are the true treasures of life. Above all wisdom seeks to love. For in loving, wisdom learns all that it needs to know and do to be happy. Wisdom teaches that you were never a mistake, you were a gift.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Thank You, Judge 09-40-MS9034j

STEEL PENNIES, my unpublished novel entry in The Daphne du Maurier Award for Excellence in Mainstream Mystery/Suspense Unpublished Division, earned 123 points out of a total of 123 possible points for a perfect score from one of the judges. It takes guts for a judge to make so strong a statement about an unknown work. I benefited from Judge 09-40-MS9034j's positive remarks because the comments reinforce what I know to be my strengths.

Judge 07-23-MS9034j, who awarded me 119 points out of 123, indicated I use too many "extraneous" words, such as "it" and "that." I keep a list of words writers should avoid and those words are on my list, but somehow those two escaped my editing process. I'm going through the manuscript now on a search and destroy mission to eliminate them. My other scores were 107 and 86. I'm making corrections based on the comments from these judges. Bottom line: I'll have a better novel to enter in the next contest. Recommendation for writers: Enter the contests that give you feedback. You'll become a better writer.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Am I There Yet?

Where am I? I completed the forms and hit Finish. Oh, this must be it. That was fast. It’s so big. And so many tiny lights flashing and swirling around. But what else can it be? It has to be the blogosphere!

Ahem. Here I go. Blogging…

Welcome to my blog…

No, much too formal. Need something simpler…

Hi!

No, that’s just silly. I know. I’ll type.

Hi! Welcome to Paul R. Lloyd’s blog. This is the place where I’ll be writing about…

Yes, that’s just it, isn’t it? What am I going to talk about? What do people say on their blogs? Most seem like self-centered blogocrap.

Did I just invent a new word?

Great. I’m as egotistical as all the other bloggers out there in cyberland.

Did I just invent another word?

Shut up and say something.

Okay. This is one tiny step for a person and one tiny step for… well, me.

I will be talking about my writing on this blog, fiction mostly. I write what I’ve taken to calling “Literary Suspense.” My heart is in literary fiction, but every time I write a novel, I end up with murder, mayhem and things that … you know… go knocking about when it’s dark outside. So I’ve decided to embrace the suspense side of my soul while keeping true to the literary tradition.

What literary tradition? Glad you asked. Well, the short answer is the one that says that having a plot is a good thing, but the real story is in the other stuff. I’ll talk about this more in the future.

I also write nonfiction. My first nonfiction book is… Ta-da…

Plant What Others Throw Away: Career and Life Lessons in Ordinary Objects

Who came up with that title?

Anyway, it’s a PromiseGarden.com commercial paperback to be released May 2009.

Available at www.promisegarden.com. Well, duh.

Here’s how we’re describing the book on the back cover…

“How do you achieve success in the business world, provide for your family and honor God all at the same time? Using ordinary, everyday objects, Paul R. Lloyd shows how a proper view of success allows you to live in balance with God’s call on your heart as well as your need to earn an income. Using Bible-based principles, Paul walks you through a seven step process that will lead you to a better life.”

My amazing critique partner, Amy Barkman, says this about my book…

"… a great motivational and encouraging tool for people in any kind of enterprise, whether it be business or ministry. The symbols make the messages memorable. I could see it influencing my own goals in life as I read. I recommend it as something to be studied over and over."

Amy Barkman, Director of Voice of Joy Ministries, and Pastor of Mortonsville United Methodist Church, both located in Kentucky www.amybarkman.blogspot.com

Yes. Well said, Amy. Thank you.

Oh, I almost forgot…

I am available to ghost write and edit books so pop me an email if you want to know more about that. info@zuklloyd.com

And I write copy for the business world through Zuk-Lloyd Associates, Inc. You can learn more about how we turn ordinary business information into extraordinary stories by visiting our website – www.zuklloyd.com.

But enough about me for the moment. I understand you can leave all sorts of comments below. Go on. Don’t be shy. Oh, and don’t be smutty about it either. There are ladies about.

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