Scary Humor

Thursday, March 17, 2011

My Basement

Morina banged her head hard against something. She felt her forehead, and her hand came away wet. She wiped it on the something hard and decided it must be a rock.

“Of course it’s a rock.” The disembodied voice was a deep baritone.

“Who? What? You reading my mind?”

“Sorry. I forgot humans can’t see in the dark. Here.”

Morina blinked as a light snapped on. She was in a basement.

“My name is Egdad. Welcome to Berbain Castle.”

“Castle?”

“Also known as my basement.”

“So we’re like in the Bavarian Alps or what?”

“Or what is closer. Naperville, Illinois, to be precise.  How’d you get here anyway?”

“I… I… well, I remember falling into a sewer, but I was in Cleveland, Ohio.”

“Dragona Bertforth.”

“What?”

“No. Who. Dragona is… well, you might think of her as a witch but she’s more. Vampire witch perhaps. You earthers have such a limited imagination it’s hard to find a good analogy. Let’s throw in werewolf but take away the fur coat.”

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Elbow on Formica

She leans on the small round table, chin propped in hand, elbow on Formica, in the Geneva Barnes and Noble. Her eyes are warm and she smiles like a lover but the subject of her affection is the little girl across the table. Mom’s tired eyes express her feelings in this look.

No wedding ring. Mom without Dad. Her coat is dark red with a green plaid lining peeking out of her hood. Upon her dark blond hair she sports a bright red velvet hat. Mom home from work.

In mid description, Mom takes off with the little girl, leaving undefined the natural beauty of her eyes, nose, sweet smile, soft chin, high cheek bones and a life lived day by day.

Monday, March 14, 2011

For New Writers

I recommend the following:
1. write
2. write
3. write

Read novels and some "how to" guides. Stephen King's "On Writing" is excellent. So is Anne Lamott”s "Bird by Bird." Join a local writer's group in your area because like all addictions, writing requires company.

Google is your friend so that when you hear terms like POV or character arc or talking heads -- just Google the term and you'll learn all sorts of stuff. For example, one of my critique partners told me I write in noir style. Well, I kinda sorta knew what noir film was about, but not really. You know, those dark, depressing B movies from the forties, right? Well, I Googled it to see what he was talking about and found a great article on Wikipedia that explained the whole thing in detail. Turns out my critique partner was right. Without studying noir, I had somehow developed that style -- probably from watching old movies. Now that I know what noir is and that it's the way I like to write, I'm better able to focus my writing in that direction. This allows me to write to my strengths.

There's more than enough to learn to fill a book. Hundreds of books in fact. Bet your local library has some books on writing that will help you in getting started.

About college: if you've never been, then try some writing courses at your local community college. The college experience is worth the investment plus you might just learn something while you're there. If you've been, you probably will do just as well saving your money and joining a writer's group. My writer's group has two English majors, a nuclear physicist, two technology geeks, two attorneys, a biology major who somehow ended up becoming a professional trade publication editor and now is a writer/editor by profession. So a writing or English background isn't necessary, but you do have to be willing to learn the craft.

And remember, it's fun so have fun. Otherwise, why do it?

Friday, March 11, 2011

Introducing myself -- again

Okay, blog, you're about to see a lot more action as I update you with much greater frequency. To kick off my new commitment, here's a re-introduction based on a form Peg Brantley sent to our ACFW suspense writers loop...

Name: Paul R. Lloyd
Where You're From: Warrenville, Illinois -- a suburb of Chicago
Favorite Suspense Authors: Dean Koontz, Travis Thrasher, classic mystery writers like Dorothy L. Sayers, Dashiell Hammett (The Maltese Falcon) and Raymond Chandler ("He wrote like a slumming angel..."). The quote is from Ross Macdonald whose work I can't seem to find anymore. Mickey Spillane who wrote in a style similar to my own (no ego here, right? :-). I recently rediscovered Stephen King after a long absence and have enjoyed his work. J.A. Konrath understands the use of the hook and a well-placed joke. A fairly new author is John Galligan who writes the Fly Fishing Mystery series. He spins a good yarn. I'm a big Brit mystery fan. Julian Barnes is a hoot. Read him carefully and he'll teach you how to switch POV in mid-paragraph and make it work. He's a master at the craft. England, England is one of his books. Neil Gaiman is a joy. Thomas Phillips (The Molech Prophecy) was in my online writer's group for a time. He is an excellent wordsmith.
What you're reading now: Just finished Paranormal America which is a sociology study of the paranormal community in America. Very informative reading for thriller authors. Like what percentage of big foot devotees believe in other paranormal events?
Published or Pre-published? Pre. My wife and I own a marketing business and self-publish books -- our own and for other authors. Planning to self-publish a thriller later this year for the Christmas market. Think Stephan King visits Bethlehem or What was Satan doing while God was going about the business of sending his son to save the world? I have several non-fiction books self-published. And an e-book of mystery short stories.
How many manuscripts have you written?: Fiction: Five. One is publishing ready. Another will be ready very soon. The others are waiting patiently for editing.
What are you working on now?: FULFILLMENT. It's the Christmas suspense novel. I'm finishing an extensive editing process I go through with my novels. We'll be testing some online marketing techniques we've been learning. Should be interesting. Stay tuned.
Where you can find me online:
www.zuklloyd.com
Linked In (I accept all invites to connect): http://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=811644&trk=tab_pro
Twitter: PaulRLloyd

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Waiting for Writers

The Starbucks Café in Barnes and Noble sits green with envy and aging wallpaper with blowups of novels, some classical and some just old. In Geneva Commons Shopping Center, Geneva, Illinois, the store’s team works to the tune of CDs played and offered for sale. Piano music, soft and soothing works with cranberry scone and decaf café mocha. Grande style.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Alice K. Arenz Visits



Author of Mirrored Image

The cover of Alice K. Arenz’s novel is compelling. When Lynn passed a copy on to me, I had to read it. It takes place in the 1980s which, of course, is a favorite decade because that’s when we started our company, Zuk-Lloyd Associates. Mirrored Image reminds us just how far we’ve come in a few decades with the technological revolution revolving around cell phones, the Internet and social networking. Imagine having to look for a pay phone in an emergency. What a drag.

Two things I look for in a novel: a compelling story and crisp, clean writing. Arenz has accomplished both. Mirrored Image is the story of a newspaper columnist who is assigned to investigate a murder where the victim shares an uncanny likeness to her. Did the killer get the wrong one? Stir in an attractive police detective, along with the usual suspects, and you have the makings of a romantic suspense story that will stay with you after you finished the last chapter.

I invited Alice K Arenz to stop by for a blog visit. She graciously answered the following questions for me…

1. What prompted you to write this story?
My answer would have to be God. If it weren’t for Him, I wouldn’t be able to put two words together!

2. Why did you decide to set the story in the eighties?
This is an easy one to answer. I originally wrote the book in 1986, which is why it’s set in ’86. It was “almost” accepted by a now defunct small press. It broke my heart at the time, but as the years went by and I kept re-writing MI, I just got the overwhelming feeling that when I finally got it right, the way it was supposed to be all along, that it would finally achieve publication. So I followed the Holy Spirit’s leading, kept faith, and MI is now a REAL book!

3. Do you plan your novel in detail before you start writing or are you more inclined to just write the story as it occurs to you?
Never. I’m a total and complete seat-of-the-pants writer. I literally don’t know what is going to happen until it does. Any time I try to interject what I “think” should go into the manuscript, it’s a total flop. I’ve learned to keep the communication lines between God and my subconscious open – and then wait for the surprises.

4. Are you writing a new novel at the moment? Can you tell us anything about it?
I’m currently on hold with my latest novel, An American Gothic, which was originally scheduled for release in Oct. 2011. Gothic is a classic romantic suspense in the old style – like Phyllis A. Whitney, Mary Stewart, or Victoria Holt might have written – just updated. It’s written in the first person through the eyes of Lyssie Daniels, who is attempting to fulfill her dream of writing an old-fashioned gothic novel. A paragraph or two of Lyssie’s novel “Craven” opens each chapter and foreshadows the action to come in Lyssie’s real life.

Right now, I’m working on a short cozy for a book that will be a compilation of several authors. I’ve always been rather long-winded, so this is something I’m a little nervous about.

Thanks for asking me to be here today, Paul!



You're welcome!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

How can a Christian write a story where a character commits a murder?

The role of the artist often is confusing to Christians as well as non-Christians who think Christians are supposed to be better than everybody else. The truth is Christians are about the biggest sinners around. Not only are we vicious little sinners, but also we should know better. Knowing what is right and wrong makes our sin that much worse according to this line of reasoning.

Certain Christians believe artists should only take on projects that meet the Christian ideal of what is uplifting and Christ honoring. For them, the Christian artist should never depict a life of sin since that might lead a person exposed to the art into temptation. I can't imagine a story without a sin element in the same way that I can't imagine a character without a flaw. Besides, who would want to read the boring story of perfect Sam or Sally?

Are artists sinning when they depict sin in their art? The opposite is true. To ignore sin or pretend that it doesn’t exist would be a lie. Artists are called to express the truth, whether they create music, paintings, films or suspense novels.

Writers, like all artists, are called to plum the depths of the human condition. We dive deep into the black places of the soul and shine the love of Christ. Christ's love reveals sin. Sin may be forgiven or unforgiven. Confessed or unconfessed. But all sin is revealed in the light.

Writers are the reporters or journalists of the action of the story. We report the great love people show towards one another as well as the evil they do. To hide the sin -- or worse -- to ignore it -- would itself be sin for we seek to reveal the truth. People don't just sin. Their actions are the result of a lifetime (back story) of actions, thoughts, etc. that make up the character's strengths and flaws.

As writers, our model is Jesus Christ, the great story teller. In his tales, people are beaten, robbed, left for dead, and ignored by the very people who should rush to their aid. A man can take his inheritance, squander it in a sin-filled life of pleasure, end up broke and living in a pig sty. Those are the stories Jesus tells. The stories his followers tell are even more violent. Has any modern writer told a more vicious, blood-curdling story than that of the crucifixion of Jesus? And it's a true story, not fiction. Even the sweet story of the Babe of Bethlehem includes the murder of the Holy Innocents. And do we really understand the justice in Peter's condemning a husband and wife to death for what in our age would probably not even qualify for civil action? What is that story about? Writers make us think, don't they?

The contribution the Christian brings to the art of the story is his or her personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Yes, it's about having a Christian worldview but it goes beyond that to walking close to our Lord and writing the story He wants us to tell. He doesn't hold back when it comes to telling stories about humans. We are sinners and our stories have to include the sin.

Stories written by Christians, like all stories, are filled with passion, murder, love, angst, abuse, etc. The difference, if there is one, is the redemptive message itself. Christians live in a world where redemption is real, life has meaning, and people matter. In our stories, we recognize the difference between good and evil. We show that people really can change and that no matter what happens during the course of our story, in the end good will triumph. Maybe not at the end of the story we are telling, but certainly at the end of the age. The victory is certain. Our stories help the reader see these things for their edification and entertainment.

Writing Guide: The Book of James, chapters 3 and 4, provides good advice for teachers that writers would do well to read and consider.

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