Scary Humor

Friday, November 11, 2011

Not Just Any Ghost

Nancy Palomino from fourth grade visited me in my bedroom. Sister Immaculata Marie I could understand the haunting. She haunted us kids back in fourth grade at St. Agnes School, but Nancy Palomino? Nancy was pretty enough and nice enough in fourth grade. I mean who even notices things like that in fourth grade?

I only remember her because we used to walk home together after school. No, I didn’t carry her books or any of that mushy stuff. We lived in the same neighborhood. Since we left school at the same time, there we were walking side-by-side along the red brick sidewalks of West Chester. And me bumping into the big old horse chestnuts along the way.

I tried to ignore her as much as possible but that wasn't possible with Nancy. She was a first-rate chit-chatter and chit and chat she did. One day she chit chatted herself right in front of a blue Short Line bus while crossing Market Street. Not my fault, but there she was in my bedroom today, two hours before trick or treat even started. Dressed like a Catholic school kid run over by a bus. Yech! What do you say to a fourth-grade ghoul?

“Hey.”

“Hey back at you.”

We stared at each other for about an hour. Okay, maybe just a couple of minutes. Then she said, “Well, that was fun.”

She faded away before I could think of something else to say. I ran out to join the other fifth graders from my neighborhood. Nobody believed me, but it was the truth even if it wasn't the fulfillment of my dreams.

Speaking of Fulfillment - It's better than caffeine
It’s okay to read Fulfillment late at night with the rain pounding on your windows and thunder and lightning outside, but leave the light on. You’ll need it. And it makes a great stocking stuffer! You can order the Amazon Kindle version by clicking here. Or obtain more information and order the slightly higher priced PDF version or the whole lot more priced paperback by clicking here.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Why Is Mary So Young at the Start of Fulfillment?

One of the readers of a pre-publication draft of Fulfillment pointed out that Mary comes across as too young at the start of the story. He thought she sounded like a little girl in the opening scene. But that's the whole idea. The video tells why I started the story with Mary so young. Enjoy.


 
Read Fulfillment - It's better than caffeine
It’s okay to read Fulfillment late at night with the rain pounding on your windows and thunder and lightning outside, but leave the light on. You’ll need it. And it makes a great stocking stuffer! You can order the Amazon Kindle version by clicking here. Or obtain more information and order the slightly higher priced PDF version or the whole lot more priced paperback by clicking here.

Monday, October 24, 2011

What Was Mary of Nazareth Like?

My novel Fulfillment features Mary as the main character in a drama that pits God against Satan. God sends an angel to ask Mary to become the mother of his son, Jesus the Messiah. Mary accepts this honor. Okay, so now she's an unwed pregnant teenager at a time when the punishment was stoning to death. And Satan is out to kill Mary any way he can to keep Jesus from entering the world. Even worse, Mary has to figure out a way to tell her Dad. Learn more about Mary in the video. Buy Fulfillment at Amazon for a buck-ninety-nine.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Munger Road

Director: Nick Smith (Click here for Trib Local interview)
Actors: Bruce Davison, Brooke Peoples, Randall Batinkoff, Trevor Morgan, Lauren Storm, Art Fox, Maggie Henry, Bill J. Stevens, and Hallock Beals

Munger Road blends traditional horror with The Blair Witch Project low budget film techniques. The filming of St. Charles, Illinois is stunning, especially if you know the town. Who knew it could look so good? Same holds for the Hotel Baker. In its own way, the grainy, low budget stuff in the horror sequences work.

Munger Road is a film of contrasts and what ifs. Are the teenagers in it together to make a film and scare the town? Or is it just two guys trying to scare their girlfriends? Is it two boys trying to scare their girlfriends but the ghosts are real? Is it two guys trying to scare their girlfriends and the ghosts are real, and oh by the way, there’s a crazed serial killer on the loose? Is the crazed serial killer the local priest who escaped from the loony farm or another unknown crazed serial killer? Is one of the teenage boys the crazed serial killer who set the whole thing up to murder his friends? Or is the girl who appears to be the innocent sole survivor actually the mastermind behind this night of teenage fright? And is she the sole survivor or not? Is she pregnant or not? And what does that have to do with anything? There may be more what ifs and crazy contrasts but I didn't find them. Have fun counting them.

Most stories have a beginning, a middle and an end. Munger Road is not one those stories. It’s scary monster horror, a genre where the first part of the movie involves figuring out what’s going on and discovering it’s a monster of some kind.  The second part of the movie is the “let’s kill it” section where – you guessed it – the main characters go about the business of killing the beast.

Munger Road does an excellent job of the first part of the story up to the point where you are supposed to figure out who or what the beast is. But it stops just short of letting you in on the who or what. You can’t help feeling the movie ends about an hour short of a complete tale. There’s no “let’s kill it” section at all. And unless you pick up more clues than I did, you’re not going to know exactly what’s going on. However, that’s sort of the point, isn’t it?

Munger Road is the telling of an urban legend. With urban legends you never know for sure who or what the monster is. It’s all based on hearsay evidence. Is it some guy with a hook instead of a hand scratching on your car? Or is it a tree branch brushing up against the roof? You never know because it never really happens to you. You only know about it from the telling. And the story changes every time you hear it.

What you’re left with at the end of Munger Road is an urban legend told in the tradition of campfires and make out sessions in late night parked cars. Don’t expect a complete story, but do expect excellent direction and acting. Living near St. Charles, Illinois, I can assure you that town never looked better. And I can assure you of a good horror movie experience right up to the end, when you’ll go: “Huh? Is that it? But what happened?”

Not to worry. Munger Road is what urban legends are all about – the not really knowing that adds an extra measure of scared to the story. I’m looking forward to seeing Munger Road again to pick up any clues I missed the first time around that point to a more satisfying conclusion. It’s like a computer game where the more you play, the more you learn. Enjoy. But don't expect Fulfillment.

Fulfillment comes with a price: $1.99
Have you had a chance to download my new full-length novel, Fulfillment, from Amazon yet? It's the 80,000 word story of the first Christmas retold with Satan added into the mix.

About Fulfillment
In the drumbeat of a million raindrops comes a darkness marching to overpower the world where you and I live. We stand by without sensing the evil, never hearing the constant din of battle over our hearts, never feeling the bombardment upon our souls, never glimpsing the awesome power of our defenders. How can we live in this world and yet be so ignorant of the other?

In the roar of the beast and the hideous faces of the angry demons scampering across her bedroom floor, Mary became the central figure in a drama that changed the world. Her engagement to Joseph should have been joyful, but instead the secret concerning the baby in her womb attracted evil spirits, a king, soldiers and a would-be lover all bent on destroying her. Mary’s journey, while steeped with betrayal and the foul stench of the ultimate demon, is a setup for an even bigger story. She discovers a lost love found, the promise of a newborn king, and a wealth of new friends from a tiny man with the heart of a warrior to the young mother whose husband and children are murdered in a bloody massacre.

Fulfillment is suspense with a huge twist of horror when Satan discovers he isn’t messing with an ordinary teenage girl. This kid has moxie and connections in high places.

If the thought of Satan out to get you isn’t enough to keep you awake at night, how about reading Fulfillment? It will.

Better than caffeine
It’s okay to read Fulfillment late at night with the rain pounding on your windows and thunder and lightning outside, but leave the light on. You’ll need it. And it makes a great stocking stuffer! You can obtain more information and order the slightly higher priced PDF version or the whole lot more priced paperback version by clicking here.

Read Chapter One by clicking here.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Conducting Research for Fulfillment

Today's video continues my interview series with a focus on the research I performed over a two-year period as part of writing Fulfillment. Capturing a sense of time and place in a story, especially one as distant from the present as the first century (C.E. or A.D. depending on how you count) is an essential part of the story-telling art.



If you have a question for this series, let me know by commenting here or send an email. If you'd like to read Fulfillment, it's available on Amazon for the Kindle. Or visit my biz website to find a link where you can purchase the PDF ebook version or the paperback. It's a full-length 80,000 word novel (nearly 300 pages).

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Why I Wrote Fulfillment

Okay, Mr. Suspense Writer, why did you write a thriller around the original Christmas story? I'm asked that question frequently, so I decided to answer it as the first question in my video interview series. Each video answers one question. Enjoy this first interview video.


If you have a question for this series, let me know by commenting here or send an email. If you'd like to read Fulfillment, it's available on Amazon for the Kindle. Or visit my biz website to find a link where you can purchase the PDF ebook version or the paperback. It's a full-length 80,000 word novel (nearly 300 pages).

Monday, September 26, 2011

Miley Cyrus for President

Okay, this one requires an amendment to the constitution or a seventeen-year wait, but stay with me on this. You may be asking yourself why anyone would think a teenage music star is qualified to be President of the United States. Stop for a moment and think about the people running for President today.

I rest my case.

Actually I don’t. That only explains why we need another candidate in the race. Let’s take a look at Miley’s qualifications.

Follow the Money
The first rule in life, especially politics, is to follow the money. Miley is a self-made gazillionaire. How many other gazillionaire made their first gazillion by the time they were eighteen? You can count them on two fingers: The Olsen Twins.

Where did Miley obtain her gazillions? This is the crucial question that more than anything else qualifies Miley Cyrus to be our next President.

Miley’s money comes from her fan base of screaming teenagers. That’s right. Miley’s not owned by the mob, the fat cat politicos, lobbyists, the big corporate donors – none of those scumbags need apply. Miley is beholding to teenage America. People who can’t even vote. It’s not possible for a candidate to be more independent than Miley.

Okay, I hear you. What about Billy Ray Cyrus? Sure, he has some influence and so does her mom, but Miley brings in the bucks. Even Billy Ray has to follow the money.

Higher Intelligence
We expect our President to be a high IQ type. Miley Cyrus qualifies on several levels. Understand, she does not have to be a nuclear physicist to serve as President. She only needs to be more intelligent than the other candidates. As I said above, consider the other candidates in the race. How intelligent are those fine folks? Have you ever heard one of them speak? Have you listened to the debates? Have you heard one sentence that contains an indication of a higher intelligence at work?

Now, consider Miley. Becoming a gazillionaire while still a teenager certainly indicates she has the right stuff, including the smarts to serve and lead. She has a better sense of humor than any of the other candidates, which is a sure sign of intelligence.

Oh, and most important, she decided not to go to college. As a gazillionaire, she realizes that it doesn’t make economic sense to spend $150,000 for a four-year liberal arts degree that qualifies you as a hamburger flipper in today’s economy. How did she get smart enough to skip college? She avoided junior high and high school (unless you count Disney High but I don’t think anyone does).

Miley Cyrus is qualified to call the education emperor naked and lead the reform movement away from classrooms and into cyberspace where education belongs. And she is free to think what she chooses, including having a healthy understanding of what government should be about rather than what it is.

Speaking of Almost Naked
Miley Cyrus has that special quality that all great political leaders possess – the ability to stand on two opposing positions at the same time with no one really noticing or caring. Think Ronald Reagan here. Miley has successfully balanced her good Christian “wait until marriage” pledge with sexting. It’s a delicate balance, but she somehow pulls it off (pun intended).

Sexting – Solution to International Relations
I know you’re worried about how Miley Cyrus would handle the Chinese, the Arabs, the Israelis, and those pesky Canadians among others. Miley has something going for her that no other candidate can match with the possible exception of Sarah Palin – sexting. Imagine the first international crises of her administration. The whoevers are about to invade the what-the-hecks. Miley picks up the emergency hotline (giving it new meaning) and sends a sexting message to the dictator with the invasion force. What can the dictator do but assume the worst and back off. Otherwise they would have to deal with Miley in her undergarments.

Which brings us to Fulfillment
So far this conversation has nothing to do with the release of my new suspense thriller Fulfillment. But Miley Cyrus has achieved a great deal of success because of her moxie. My main character in Fulfillment also has a great deal of moxie and connections in high places. Her name is Mary. Satan gets the bright idea that if you can’t kill Jesus because he is God after all, then what better way to stop the salvation of the world then to kill the mother before he is born?

Fulfillment is the story of the first Christmas retold with Satan added into the mix. Think about it. What was Satan up to while God was going about the business of sending his son to save the world? It’s okay to read my scary novel late at night with the rain pounding on your windows and thunder and lightning outside, but leave the light on. You’ll need it.

Who says you can’t buy Fulfillment? It’s only a $1.99 on Amazon. And don’t forget to vote for Miley.

Featured Post

The Final Meeting of the Moon Watcher's Club

Check out the free offer below. The Moon Watchers Club chased a herd of 12 does and one buck over in rural Kane County this past full moon c...

Most Popular Posts