Scary Humor

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

How to Get Started Writing Your Own Business Book


Business Book Writing Made Easy Series


How would it feel to hand a book with your name as the author to a sales prospect or business associate? Maybe you just want to impress your boss or other higher ups in your company. Or you want to enhance your job hunting prospects. Maybe you can even use a business book to jumpstart your own business.

You know showing up at work with your own self-published business book would send your credibility through the roof, wouldn’t it? A business book is the most powerful marketing tool you can imagine. Among the many uses for a business book, you can:
  1. Engage your customers at the very time they are thinking about your topic.
  2. Position yourself as the expert instead of somebody just trying to sell something.
  3. Teach your customers the way you want them taught
With a business book, your voice dominates the reader’s mind while they consider your topic and related products and services. With a book writing plan you can accomplish the following:
  1. Write and edit your book better and faster so your readers can’t put it down
  2. Build your online readership before you market your book
  3. Add to your credibility as a speaker and subject matter expert (SME)
Take the first step
Writing your first business book is like eating an elephant. It’s overwhelming. Instead of tackling an entire book, just write the outline. That’s the first step in your business book writing plan. There are many more steps along the way that I simply can’t cover in a single blog post. But here’s a bonus step that will help you get started writing from your outline. Take one item from your outline and write about it for use in information outlets like:
  1. Trade Magazine article
  2. Email Newsletter (Yours and other people’s)
  3. Blog post (Yours and other people’s)
  4. You Tube Video
  5. Website content
Later, you can repurpose the content you created around a single idea or bullet point from your book outline back into your book as a chapter or portion of a chapter.

Questions?
I’ll include more about writing your own business book in future posts, but if you want to jumpstart your business book writing process, email your questions to me. Use BOOK QUESTION in the subject line. If you would like to book (no pun intended) me for a speaking gig on how to write business books, use SPEAKER REQUEST as the subject line. The email address is the proper format for paul at zuklloyd dot com. Or click here.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

The Baby Boom Generation Caused Global Warming


That’s right, folks. I figured it out this morning while lollygagging in bed doing what comes natural to me until I realized that every Boomer on the planet does the same thing. Think about it. I’m not talking about the occasional blip, blat or pfft. Not at all.

Do you realize how huge the population of Boomers is? We’re the biggest population bubble ever to burst onto the scene. And here we are today in our senior moments making like Machinegun Kelly. The atmosphere never had a chance with Boomers firing their guns at once and exploding into space to cause a huge buildup of methane in the upper atmosphere.

As you well know methane is the primary cause of global warming. Just ask any cow. Yes, Boomers in our great numbers have become the cause of the worldwide warm up. The only thing safe for us to do is return to those days of yesteryear of calm, relaxing youth when nothing worried us, not even the occasional skull found in a field by the woods where we used to play Army and kill each other.

Global warming is real, folks, so you have another reason to worry about those pesky underwear changing moments or the occasional SBD. As the prophet Pogo warned in the Book of Possum, “We have met the enemy and they are us.”

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

What Inspires Writers?


The short answer is a lot of things can kickstart a novel project. It could be the observation of an event like a Fourth of July Parade. Hmmm, I wonder what it would be like to begin a story with a day-walking teenage vampire trombone player in the local high school band with fangs protruding around his mouthpiece?

Or it could be a person you see while riding the subway late at night and hoping you don’t get mugged. She’s not very attractive mainly because pretty girls know how to bum a ride home with a smile, but that young lady with oversized forehead, too small ears and ink covering her neck just has an air about her like I could cast her as the girlfriend in an inner-city horror romance.

Another way writers stay motivated is by reading. I enjoy all kinds of fiction both for pleasure and to learn from the best. As a fan of the films made from novels by Nicholas Sparks, I thought it was time to read one. I chose Safe Haven because I enjoyed the film almost as much as I enjoyed A Walk to Remember.

Observations Concerning Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks
1.  His main character is an avatar for his market: A 27-year old female
2.  His writing style imitates the way a woman would tell the story
     A.  Long narration
     B.  Deep dive on details
     C.  Not just the menu, but half the recipe
     D.  Not just a description of outer clothes but deep dive into undergarments and outer garments with details about pattern, color, source, pricing, etc. Why choose this garment instead of another, etc.
     E.  Deep dive into mental state and emotions
     F.  Back story/flashback used extensively as a driver for the story
     G.  Progressive reveal of the thriller story to build fear and anxiety
3.  Writes in romance genre style
     A.  Story is a romance
     B.  Story also includes a thriller that he writes in romance style – a very slowed-down approach to the thriller style.
     C.  Story is also a ghost story that is hidden until the end but hinted at and set up with foreshadowing
     D.  Use of soft hooks
     E.  Happy ending resolves all major plot points
4.  Main character fulfills female reader’s fantasies
     A.  In mortal danger – generates sympathy while building “this could be me” story
     B.  Rescued by handsome man
     C.  Has best female friend to help and guide
     D.  Has romance with man other than her husband
     E.  Starts a new life somewhere else
     F.  Must provide care for young children to bring out reader’s motherly instincts
     G.  Feels guilt and shame for her situation despite it not being her fault

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Teaching Workshops at Karitos Indy


I’ve been invited to return for this year’s Karitos/Indy event. I’ll be teaching two workshops and enjoying an exciting Christian Arts weekend. Karitos/Indy, like it’s counterpart in Chicago in July, includes workshops in many art forms, all with a Christian perspective.

You can save money by registering ahead of time by visiting the Karitos/Indy website. Save a few bucks by registering on the payment page. The easy way, of course, is to simply pay at the door for a few dollars more for this 2-Day event.

Location: Suburbs west of Indianapolis
Bread of Life Ministries
7510 East CR 100 North
Avon, IN 46123

Dates/Times
Friday, May 13, 2016 at 12:00 PM - Saturday, May 14, 2016 at 10:00 PM (EDT)

My Workshops


Workshop 1: Hearing His Voice in Our Writing
This class explores the art of writing what you hear from the Lord and then polishing it for sharing with others. The guiding principle for this class is the Lord will be with you while you write and while you edit your work. The class covers:

How writers hear from the Lord
--Listening prayer
--Inspiration while writing
--Other ways (open discussion)
Writing down what you hear
Editing/polishing your writing
How to find Bible proof texts to support what you have heard
Let’s listen and share (time permitting – 3-minute writing exercise and sharing)

Workshop 2: Releasing Your Writing
You’ve learned to listen for the Holy Spirit guiding you in prayer or simply while you are about your daily tasks. Perhaps you enjoy creating poetry or stories and feel the Lord guiding you as you write. This class explores ways to share your writing. The class covers:

Blogs
Email
Social Media
Traditional Publishing
Self-Publishing
Speeches
Sharing at Church

Each type of media outlet has its own conventions regarding writing. We will discuss how to reshape your writing for sharing through different media.

Learn more about this event, including other workshops and arts, please visit the Karitos/Indy website: www.karitos.org/indy/index.php

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Writing Prompt Results #3


Prompt: The launch went not quite as expected…

4 Minutes Timed Writing Results

The launch went not quite as expected but there’s usually a glitch, an out of position o-ring, a loose nut behind the wheel, a gizmo floating around, a paramour snuck on board at the last moment. Usually the Flimbuster 100 lifts silently spinning slowly like a somnolent top on a lazy Alabama afternoon, near Selma, not Birmingham. Birmingham sucks but that’s another tale and a hound dog of a different color, the kind that don’t hunt. It wasn’t until we had circled the moon for the slingshot to Mars that we noticed Lt. Marsha McCann sneaking off to the equipment bank which no one needed to visit until Mars orbit. I followed and sure enough a bearded wing nut …

Monday, February 1, 2016

Writing Prompt Results #2


Prompt: Never underestimate a...

4 Minutes Timed Writing Results

Never underestimate a cowgirl on a Burma bull holding a mini-howitzer. Especially if her first name is Calamity. The Burma bull came west on the Chicago train and broke loose in the middle of South Dakota where Calamity had just shot RogerBuck, her 12-year-old horse not because he broke his leg but because he broke hers. Calamity and Bufford became fast friends. Why she named the Burma Bull "Bufford" is anyone’s guess. Most folks around here…

Friday, January 29, 2016

Writing Prompt Results #1


Prompt: Beatrice bottomed on Alabaster Street near Main

4 Minutes Timed Writing Results

Beatrice bottomed on Alabaster Street near Main where John Bergstrum painted the front end of an Elgin-bound PACE bus with his face. Red isn’t the best bus color, but with the economy, you take what you can get. She brushed herself off, adjusted her fangs and wiggled her ears to command the lander module to drop down the access stairway. Unfortunately, she didn’t move out of the way in time and wound up in the 18th century where she had to adjust her fangs, wiggle her ears and tickle her belly button to return to time normal and that stairway to nowhere. Well, it looked like it went nowhere which made Suzy Barklotter think it was the stairway to …

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