Fiction that explores the monsters and strangers among us.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Never Having to Say “Ungh” Part 4

To start at the beginning of this story, please click here.
Sweet Acid Kisses

“Yes, of course it’s safe. Untie her,” Mr. Booger ordered.

Tim leaned in close to undo the rope around Debra Dinglesnort’s forehead that kept her flat on the bench.

Debra Dinglesnort opened her beautiful blue eyes. She smiled. “Watch out for the… Oh, wasn’t I just in a car with Reggie? I think we were about to be crushed by one of those giant vegetable trucks.”

Tim’s hands shook because she was so beautiful and not because her breath was so disgusting. “I didn’t know they made trucks out of vegetables.”

“No, silly, I meant one of those trucks that carry veggies. Oh, my, I think I love you.” Debra Dinglesnort kissed Tim in front of Mr. Booger and maybe even God. (Tim wasn’t sure God hung out in the labs of mad scientists.)

Tim grinned despite his thinning teeth enamel thanks to Debra’s acid breath.

Tim concluded that Debra Dinglesnort was subject to the same instinct as baby ducks. You know how baby ducks will think the first creature they spot out of the egg is their mother? Well, Debra Dinglesnort assumed the first guy she saw after being reanimated was her lover.

Once Tim introduced Debra Dinglesnort to Scope, they got along great. She had this little ditty where she spun her head around 360 degrees as a result of her broken neck in the car accident, but hey, we can’t all be perfect.

The accident apparently knocked some sense into Debra Dinglesnort who is now a straight A student. So far, she and Tim are living happily ever after even if finals are next week and they’re not exactly Mr. Booger’s favorite students anymore. (Never trust a teacher who falls in love with a student or an author who keeps stuffing stuff between parenthesis.)

Tim’s only complaint about the whole ordeal involved Mr. Booger’s failed Flubber experiments and the way Debra Dinglesnort bounced off the walls whenever she and Tim made out.

And off the ceiling.

And off the floor.

And sometimes out the window if Tim forgets to close it. 


I could see a blackjack and handcuffs on his belt in the blank spot next to the bullets. 
Paul R. Lloyd
Steel Pennies

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