Scary Humor

Showing posts with label moon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moon. Show all posts

Friday, November 13, 2020

The Final Meeting of the Moon Watcher's Club

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The Moon Watchers Club chased a herd of 12 does and one buck over in rural Kane County this past full moon cycle. Before they tired, Snorewort picked up the scent of a cow despite his fever. The pack soon settled for a cow asleep in the Brickslobber's north forty. Daisy had wandered out of the barn earlier that evening, according Sheriff Ivan Wilson quoted in the Daily Hopper.

Henry J. Snorewort collapsed after he severed the cow's jugular vein. Ira Brickslobber found him in the morning. Henry lay next to the bloody remains of the half-eaten cow. The autopsy later revealed he died of Covid 19. From that night's gathering, six members of the Moon Watcher's Club spread the Corona virus to three high schools where they infected fellow staff members. No students were affected due to remote learning. The club members each served as assistant principals. Three other Moon Watchers Club associates spread Covid to 150 co-workers at the factories or warehouses that employed them. Four Evangelical Christian werewolves spread the Corona virus to more than 500 worshipers due to these conservative churches' refusal to shut down or require masks and social distancing. For some reason God chose not to protect these congregants when the werewolf members attended.

Thanks to the werewolves, not only did a Kane County cow part ways with the earth, but also the Moon Watchers wreaked havoc upon their home county. DuPage County's death count set records that moon cycle for new cases of the pandemic disease. The death of the members of the Moon Watchers Club rid the DuPage County forest preserve district of one of its most vexing problems, the large amount of wolf poo left on the forest preserve trails during the full moon along with any number of partially-devoured carcasses of small animals and late evening joggers.

Mrs. Snorewort collected on her late husband's million-dollar life insurance. She quit her job at Walmart, sold her Naperville home (one of those big jobs) and moved to Florida where she died of Covid three weeks after her arrival. No one bothered to track the body count from her move either in Florida or at the many stops she made along the drive. Her two adult children plan to use the Florida home as a getaway for winter vacations. For some reason, the kids never caught Covid. Yet.

THE END

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Friday, November 6, 2020

Werewolves in the Time of Corona

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Henry J. Snorewort sneezed for the first time in 32 years, the time since a pesky DuPage County lycanthrope bit him at age 23. Now 55 but as spry as a twenty-something, he sneezed into his mask like he was supposed to but yuck. Fortunately, Mrs. Snorewort insisted he carry a spare mask. He stuffed the besnotted cover into the left back pocket of his bluejeans and slipped the new mask out of the right. Four clean layers of cloth, including an American flag design printed on the outside layer, protected others from his fevered self.

By the time he arrived home with the groceries, Henry felt hot. Mrs. Snorewort confirmed his 104 degrees Fahrenheit fever. “Flu or Covid. Your choice,” said Mrs. Snorewort.

“You don't sound worried, my dear,” said Henry.

“Why should I worry? We have a million dollar life insurance policy on you.”

“True, dear, but you never know. You might get lucky.”

“If you can rid yourself of that fever, maybe we both can get lucky tonight.”

“I better lay down before I pass out.”

“Soup for dinner?”

“I doubt I can eat anything. Besides I have a meeting tonight.”

“Not another one of your Moon Watchers Club affairs?”

“Sorry, honey, but the full moon will rise tonight. I'll return early.”

“Harrumph. Early for moon watchers means five in the morning.”

“I can return from our usual lunacy sooner than that.”

They say you need silver to kill a werewolf. Otherwise, you have to chop off its head. Henry found a third way that evening. He joined his lycanthropic friends shortly before midnight, never mind his fever or his mask. It's not as if you can convince a werewolf to practice social distancing or worry about a buddy who sprays when he sneezes in the time of Covid. Besides, what good is a mask when you have a snout nearly a foot long from eyeball to fang overbite?

THE END?

7 PREDICTIONS YOU CAN MAKE ABOUT ANY STORY
Do you ever wish you could better predict the end of the movie you're watching or the novel you're reading? Do you envy friends who always seem to know what will happen next in a story? Want to learn their secret? Send for your FREE copy of my new guide – 7 PREDICTIONS YOU CAN MAKE ABOUT ANY STORY. It's FREE. Click here to signup now.

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The Final Meeting of the Moon Watcher's Club

Check out the free offer below. The Moon Watchers Club chased a herd of 12 does and one buck over in rural Kane County this past full moon c...

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