Scary Humor

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Questions for Readers


Yesterday, I posted the two rules for readers. By “readers” I refer, of course, to those unfortunate individuals who happen to know an author well enough to be asked to “read” their novel before the author publishes it. The idea is to provide brief comments, both positive and negative.

Oh yes, one more thing before you volunteer to become a reader… the writer is not asking you to edit the book so there’s no need to note all the typos, grammar errors or other stupid mistakes. It’s okay to note them if you wish, and the writer will appreciate anything so noted, but that’s not the job of the reader. Your job is to read, enjoy and then make a few comments about what you liked and didn’t like about the novel. So here are the three questions the writer most wants answered:

  1. Did you read the entire novel? If not, what chapter or page did you stop on? (This question is important in case multiple readers stop on the same page or chapter because it tells the writer that something is amiss with that part of the book.)
  2. What three things did you like most about the novel?
  3. What three things did you like least about the novel?
There. That doesn’t sound so difficult, does it? Enjoy.

If at all possible, please respond to the writer within two or three weeks.

How to practice to become a “reader”
If you wish to practice being a reader, may I recommend starting with my thriller novel Steel Pennies? When you are finished, contact me with your comments at paul @ zuklloyd dot com. (Don’t forget to mush the address all together and use a real dot.) Put “Reader Comment” in the subject line so I don't think your important missive is spam although a piece of Spam with a bit of mustard might go well at the moment.

As your reward, I’ll email a free PDF copy of my “solve-it-yourself” mystery book – The Case of the Knife-Tossing Networker: 12 Mysteries Requiring Deductive Reasoning. BUT BE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR AMAZON.COM ORDER NUMBER AS PROOF OF PURCHASE IN YOUR EMAIL. THIS NUMBER IS WRITTEN ON YOUR RECEIPT FROM AMAZON.COM.

Since I do not use an autoresponder like those online marketing gurus recommend, please allow a few days to hear back from me. If you don’t hear within a week, check the email address you sent it to. Or use the link at the bottom of the Me page (see links above).

Steel Pennies is racially-charged murder, mayhem and mischief wrapped around a teenage romance gone wild. It explores racial tension and forbidden love during the early days of the civil rights movement. It's a thriller written in a noir style laced with biting humor and oddball characters.

As another author wrote:
“Machine-gun sentences.  Fast.  Intense.  Mickey Spillane-style.  No way around it.  Paul is a top-notch noir writer.  Top-notch.”
Thomas Phillips author of The Molech Prophecy

Please click here to begin reading Steel Pennies.


Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Two Rules for “Readers”


Have you ever been asked to be a “reader” for an author? It’s a fun way to read a novel for free before it’s released. I recently sent the first book of my new novel series to my readers for comment. Here’s what I told them…

Dear Reader:
Thanks for agreeing to read my new novel. A novel “reader” is a person who helps a writer complete a novel by – you’ll never guess – actually reading it. But you also have one other big important task. This second task is the one the writer needs completed before the novel goes into print – your job is to tell the writer what you think of the book.

Rule 1: Give negative feedback
The negative helps the writer understand what needs fixing before releasing the novel upon an unsuspecting public. The things you find wrong with the book are what the writer is blind to due to “forest-for-the-trees” syndrome. An example includes using the word “mountain” ten times in one paragraph. Another is killing off Bob in chapter two only to have him show up alive and well in chapter eight. One more example is noticing that nothing actually happens in the middle of the novel.

Negative Feedback Massages the Author
Readers often are afraid to give negative feedback because they don’t want to hurt the writer’s feelings. Let me assure you that is never the case. Here’s why…

Seven Secret Steps for handling negative feedback
There are the seven secret steps the writer goes through when presented with negative feedback:
  1. Go into deep mourning characterized by great weeping and gnashing of teeth. This lasts for a full day usually, sometimes a bit longer.
  2. Blame the reader. Yes, the problems you pointed out in the novel will be your fault for about two or three days.
  3. Review the reader’s mean, nasty negative comments and realize they actually make sense and some minor revisions may help improve the novel.
  4. With great reluctance, make the changes needed by the novel. Usually major improvements happen during this step.
  5. Notice that the changes actually do improve the novel.
  6. Become deeply appreciative of the reader’s comments and contributions to making the novel better. The writer might even express gratitude to you for your contributions to improving the novel, but don’t count on it depending on the timing of Step 7.
  7. Totally forget that the reader made the comments in the first place and think it was all the writer’s idea to make the changes which of course results in the writer’s ego being massaged.
As you can see, expressing negative comments to the writer results in massaging the writer’s ego in a nice, positive way. So be sure to make some. Make them up if you have to, but let’s not get carried away.

Rule 2: Make positive comments even when you have none
The positive comments you choose to make massage the writer’s ego as well, but they also can prove useful in promoting the novel. Make stuff up if you have to. Your positive comments assure the author remains among the living a little longer while supplying the kind of promotional copy usually only available from professional advertising agency copy writers and liars (redundancy planned).


Friday, February 7, 2014

Where is The Promise Garden?


If you started to read my novel The Promise Garden on this blog, but didn’t finish it, you may be curious to know where it went. The answer is simple: I took it down to prepare it for publication. It will be released in the near future for Kindle and paperback versions on Amazon.

In the meantime, I’ll return to this blog with more fiction soon. And if you haven’t read my other novels yet, please click here to visit my author page on Amazon. I encourage you to click on the book cover shown on Amazon to read several chapters of any of my novels before you buy. Usually, if the preview holds your interest, the novel will too.

My most popular novel so far is Hags with Fulfillment a close second. I find this interesting because Steel Pennies is the one I expected to achieve the greatest success. If you want to know why Steel Pennies is a must read, please click over to Amazon and read the free portion. Steel Pennies simply holds your attention and doesn’t let go. Click here to check it out.

My most popular short story so far is Little Miss Forgotten. I believe it’s the title that grabs people’s attention. Little Miss Forgotten is a fun story about war, peace, death and slumming angels. It’s a love story set in the Vietnam era, but don’t let the time stop you. Little Miss Forgotten is a timeless love story you’ll enjoy. Another story, one that readers often overlook in selecting one to purchase, is Egbert. Egbert is Chicago’s most unlikely vampire and a fun read.

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