Scary Humor

Saturday, December 23, 2017

A Christmas Carol For America Stave 4

STAVE 4: THE LAST OF THE SPIRITS

The Phantom slowly, gravely, silently, approached. When it came near him, Trump stretched again to his full height with all the dignity he could muster for his favorite Il Duce pose despite in the very air through which this Spirit moved it seemed to scatter gloom and mystery.

The Spirit was shrouded in a deep black garment, which concealed its head, its face, its form, and left nothing of it visible save one outstretched hand. But for this it would have been difficult to detach its figure from the night, and separate it from the darkness by which it was surrounded.

Trump felt that it was tall and stately when it came beside him, and that its mysterious presence filled him with a solemn dread. He knew no more, for the Spirit neither spoke nor moved.

“I am in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come?” asked Trump.

The Spirit answered not, but pointed onward with its hand.

“You are about to show me shadows of the things that have not happened, but will happen in the time before us,” Trump pursued. “Is that so, Spirit?”

The upper portion of the garment was contracted for an instant in its folds, as if the Spirit had inclined its head. That was the only answer he received.

Well used to ghostly company by this time, Trump pulled a driver from a nearby golf bag. The Spirit paused a moment, as observing his condition, shook his head in despair of saving this man.

But Trump was all the worse for this. It thrilled him with a vague glib joy, to know that behind the dusky shroud, there were ghostly eyes intently fixed upon him, while he, swung his golf club in a practice swing.

“Ghost of Christmas Future!” he exclaimed, “I know you claim your purpose is to do me good, and as I hope to live to be proven right, I am prepared to bear you company, and do it with a friendlly heart. Will you not speak to me?”

It gave him no reply. The hand was pointed straight before them.

“Lead on!” said Trump. “Lead on! The night is waning fast, and it is precious time to me, I know. Lead on, Spirit!”

That night Trump viewed more scenes of the future than is possible to record here. As he stood triumphant, Trump witnessed nuclear explosions destroying cities on the west coast of the USA and along the other side of the Pacific. He witnessed starvation on the streets of New York and in the states of Alabama, Oklahoma and Kansas. He visited children suffering horrible diseases without the help of doctors or hospitals, but with too few volunteer nurses and neighborhood “do-gooders” to pity them. He witnessed black oil coating the fields of the Midwest and deep black scars across the land formerly set aside as sacred to the memory of a pristine America.

“Fake News,” grumbled Trump as he teed up a golf ball.

Trump was better than his word. And it was always said of him, that he knew how to call anything, “Fake News” as he relentlessly abused the Spirit of Christmas, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that never be said of us, any of us. Instead, as Tiny Tim, a character otherwise left out of this story due to its horror story rating, observed, God bless Us, Every One! And God bless the United States of America.

THE END


Satan had no idea who he was messing with.
Mary wasn’t your ordinary unmarried pregnant teenager. This kid had moxie and connections in extremely high places.

In Fulfillment, the secret concerning the baby in Mary’s womb attracts evil spirits, a woman-hating ancient Israeli monster named Lilith, a king, soldiers and a would-be lover all bent on destroying her. Mary’s journey, while steeped with betrayal and the foul stench of the ultimate demon, is a setup for an even bigger story. She discovers a lost love found, the promise of a newborn king, and a wealth of new friends from a dwarf with the heart of a warrior to the young mother who loses her husband and children in a bloody massacre. Laugh, cry and gain new insights into the Christmas story as you read Fulfillment.

“The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth so that he might devour her child the moment it was born.”
Revelation 12:4b

Click here to choose the paperback or Kindle version.

Paperback copies make excellent Christmas presents, especially for those who enjoy an original horror story. Tell them it's like Stephen King or Frank Peretti visiting the first century.

Click here to visit my author page on Amazon. 

Friday, December 22, 2017

A Christmas Carol For America Stave 3

STAVE 3: THE SECOND OF THE THREE SPIRITS

“You have never seen the like of me before!” exclaimed the Spirit of Christmas Present who resembled the very image of Jimmy Carter.

“Never,” Trump made answer to it. “Yet you somehow appear familiar to me, Spirit.”

“Touch my robe!”

There emerged from scores of bye-streets, lanes, and nameless turnings, innumerable people, suffering from injuries and diseases.

“Spirit,” said Trump, after a moment’s thought, “I wonder you, of all the beings in the many worlds about us, should desire to cramp these people’s opportunities of innocent health care.”

“I!” cried the Spirit.

“You would deprive them of their need for physicians and medicines, often the only way on which they can be said to heal at all,” said Trump. “Wouldn’t you?”

“I!” cried the Spirit.

“You seek to close off these persons from health care providers solely because they cannot afford health insurance,” said Trump. “And it comes to the same thing.”

“I seek!” exclaimed the Spirit.

“It has been done in your name, or at least in that of Christian charity,” said Trump.

“There are some upon this earth of yours,” returned the Spirit, “who lay claim to know the Spirit of Christmas, and who do their deeds of passion, pride, ill-will, hatred, envy, bigotry, and selfishness in Christ’s name, who are as strange to the true spirit of Christmas, as if they had never lived. Remember that, and charge their doings on themselves, not Jesus.”

“Forgive me if I am not justified in what I ask,” said Trump, looking intently at the Spirit’s robe, “but I see something strange, and not belonging to yourself, protruding from your skirts. Is it a foot or a claw?”

“It might be a claw, for the flesh there is upon it,” was the Spirit’s sorrowful reply. “Look here.”

From the foldings of its robe, it brought two children; wretched, abject, frightful, hideous, miserable. They knelt down at its feet, and clung upon the outside of its garment.

“Oh, Man! look here. Look, look, down here!” exclaimed the Ghost.

They were a boy and girl. Yellow, meagre, ragged, scowling, wolfish; but prostrate, too, in their humility. Where graceful youth should have filled their features out, and touched them with its freshest tints, a stale and shrivelled hand, like that of age, had pinched, and twisted them, and pulled them into shreds. Where angels might have sat enthroned, devils lurked, and glared out menacing. No change, no degradation, no perversion of humanity, in any grade, through all the mysteries of wonderful creation, has monsters half so horrible and dread.

Trump stood tall with his best Il Duce expression of triumph on his face. Having the children shown to him in this way, he said, “They are fine children,” for Trump could think of no reason to not lie. “Spirit! are they yours?”

“They are Man’s,” said the Spirit, looking down upon them. “And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. Deny it!” cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city in the distance. “Slander those who tell it ye! Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse. And bide the end!”

“Have they no refuge or resource?” cried Trump.

“Is minimum wage sufficient to live on?” asked the Spirit, turning on Trump with his own words. “Will tax cuts of the wealthy few and the great corporations trickle down to the poor and needy that haunt our cities and towns?”

The clock bell struck twelve.

Trump looked about him for the Ghost, and saw it not. Lifting up his eyes, he beheld a solemn Phantom, draped and hooded, coming, like a mist along the ground, towards him.

“Looks like the Spirit of Fake News,” said Trump.

To be continued...


Satan had no idea who he was messing with.
Mary wasn’t your ordinary unmarried pregnant teenager. This kid had moxie and connections in extremely high places.

In Fulfillment, the secret concerning the baby in Mary’s womb attracts evil spirits, a woman-hating ancient Israeli monster named Lilith, a king, soldiers and a would-be lover all bent on destroying her. Mary’s journey, while steeped with betrayal and the foul stench of the ultimate demon, is a setup for an even bigger story. She discovers a lost love found, the promise of a newborn king, and a wealth of new friends from a dwarf with the heart of a warrior to the young mother who loses her husband and children in a bloody massacre. Laugh, cry and gain new insights into the Christmas story as you read Fulfillment.

“The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth so that he might devour her child the moment it was born.”
Revelation 12:4b

Click here to choose the paperback or Kindle version.

Paperback copies make excellent Christmas presents, especially for those who enjoy an original horror story. Tell them it's like Stephen King or Frank Peretti visiting the first century.

Click here to visit my author page on Amazon. 

Thursday, December 21, 2017

A Christmas Carol For America Stave 2

STAVE 2: THE FIRST OF THE THREE SPIRITS

“Are you the Spirit, sir, whose coming was foretold to me?” asked Trump when he awoke at one a.m. to find a visage of Abraham Lincoln beside his bed.

“I am!” The voice was soft and gentle. Singularly high and screeching, as if instead of being so close beside him, it were at a distance.

“Who, and what are you?” Trump demanded.

“I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.”

“Long Past?” inquired Trump: observant of its tall stature.

“No. Your past.”

Trump then made bold to inquire what business brought him there.

“Your welfare!” said the Ghost.

Trump expressed himself much obliged, but could not help thinking that a night of unbroken rest would have been more conducive to that end. The Spirit must have heard him thinking, for it said immediately:

“Your reclamation, then. Take heed!”

It put out its strong hand as it spoke, and clasped him gently by the arm.

“Rise! and walk with me!”

It would have been in vain for Trump to plead that the weather and the hour were not adapted to pedestrian purposes; that bed was warm, and the thermometer a long way below freezing; that he was clad but lightly in his slippers, pajamas and robe; and that he had a cold upon him at that time. The grasp, though gentle as a woman’s hand, was not to be resisted. He rose: but finding that the Spirit made towards the window, clasped his coat in supplication.

“I am a mortal,” Trump remonstrated, “and liable to fall.”

“Bear but a touch of my hand there,” said the Spirit, laying it upon his heart, “and you shall be upheld in more than this!”

As the words were spoken, they passed through the wall, and stood upon a television studio. “Good Heaven!” said Trump, clasping his hands together, as he looked about him. “I was a TV star in this place!”

The Spirit gazed upon him mildly. Its gentle touch, though it had been light and instantaneous, appeared still present to the old man’s sense of feeling. He was conscious of a thousand odors floating in the air, each one connected with a thousand memories, and hopes, and joys, and cares long, long, forgotten! 

“Here you fired celebrities for no other reasons than ratings and you had the power to do it without question,” said the Ghost of Christmas Past.

“Fake News!” cried Trump. “I fired them all because they were incompetent louts unworthy of their own star status. They needed firing and I fired them because I was a good man of business.”

“Business!” cried the Ghost, wringing its hands. “Mankind is your business. The common welfare is your business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, are, all, your business. The dealings of your investments and businesses are but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of your business!” 

“Fake News,” cried Trump.

To be continued...


Satan had no idea who he was messing with.
Mary wasn’t your ordinary unmarried pregnant teenager. This kid had moxie and connections in extremely high places.

In Fulfillment, the secret concerning the baby in Mary’s womb attracts evil spirits, a woman-hating ancient Israeli monster named Lilith, a king, soldiers and a would-be lover all bent on destroying her. Mary’s journey, while steeped with betrayal and the foul stench of the ultimate demon, is a setup for an even bigger story. She discovers a lost love found, the promise of a newborn king, and a wealth of new friends from a dwarf with the heart of a warrior to the young mother who loses her husband and children in a bloody massacre. Laugh, cry and gain new insights into the Christmas story as you read Fulfillment.

“The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth so that he might devour her child the moment it was born.”
Revelation 12:4b

Click here to choose the paperback or Kindle version.

Paperback copies make excellent Christmas presents, especially for those who enjoy an original horror story. Tell them it's like Stephen King or Frank Peretti visiting the first century.

Click here to visit my author page on Amazon. 

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

A Christmas Carol For America Stave 1

WITH APOLOGIES TO CHARLES DICKENS: A parody is a humorous or satirical imitation of a serious work of literature or writing. This is my parody of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol in which I replace Scrooge with President Trump. I borrowed most of the copy from Dickens’ original text while changing, deleting and adding things to reflect the current political times.

STAVE ONE: THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION’S GHOST

Once upon a time—of all the good days in the year, on Christmas Eve—old Trump sat busy in his White House after the close of Presidential business and his staff abandoning him in favor of the holiday. The Oval Office door flew open with a booming sound, and then slammed shut. Trump heard loud footsteps coming straight towards his office.

“It’s fake news!” said Trump. “I won’t believe it.”

His color changed though, when, without a pause, the loud noise came on through the Oval Office door, and passed into the room before his eyes.

Trump refused to believe though he looked the phantom of the Obama Administration through and through, and saw it standing before him; though he felt the chilling influence of its death-cold eyes; he fought against his senses.

“How now!” said Trump, caustic and cold as ever. “What do you want with me?”

“Much!”—Obama’s voice, no doubt about it.

“Who are you?”

“In life I was your predecessor, the Obama Administration. You don’t believe in me,” observed the Ghost.

“You’re fake news,” said Trump.

“Why do you doubt your senses?”

“Because,” said Trump, “a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the Congress makes them cheats. You may be an unrepentant bit of the justice department, a blot of FBI files, a crumb of left over democracy, a fragment of underdone party loyalty. There’s more of the knave than of the grave about you, whatever you are!”

Trump was not much in the habit of cracking jokes, nor did he feel, in his heart, by any means waggish then. The truth is, that he tried to be smart, as a means of distracting his own attention, and keeping down his terror; for the spectre’s voice disturbed the very marrow in his bones.

At this the spirit raised a frightful cry with such a dismal and appalling noise, that Trump held on tight to his chair, to save himself from falling in a swoon. Trump fell upon his knees, and clasped his hands before his face.

“Mercy!” he said. “Dreadful apparition, why do you trouble me?”

“Man of the worldly mind!” replied the Ghost, “do you believe in me or not?”

“I do,” said Trump. “I must.”

“Hear me!” cried the Ghost. “My time is nearly gone.”

“I will,” said Trump. “But don’t be hard upon me!”

“You will be haunted,” resumed the Ghost, “by Three Spirits.”

Trump’s countenance fell almost as low as Hillary’s on election night. “Is that the chance and hope you mentioned?” Trump demanded, in a faltering voice.

“It is.”

“I—I think I’d rather not,” said Trump.

“Without their visits,” said the Ghost, “you cannot hope to shun the place your path inevitably leads. Expect the first to-morrow, when the clock tolls One.”

“Couldn’t I take ’em all at once, and have it over?” hinted Trump.

“Expect the second on the next night at the same hour. The third upon the next night when the last stroke of Twelve has ceased to vibrate. Look to see me no more; and look that, for your own sake, you remember what has passed between us!”

Trump tried to say “Fake News!” but stopped at the first word. And being, from the emotion he had undergone, or the fatigues of the day, or his glimpse of the Invisible World, or the dull conversation of the Ghost, or the lateness of the hour, much in need of repose; went straight to bed, and fell asleep upon the instant.

To be continued...


Satan had no idea who he was messing with.
Mary wasn’t your ordinary unmarried pregnant teenager. This kid had moxie and connections in extremely high places.

In Fulfillment, the secret concerning the baby in Mary’s womb attracts evil spirits, a woman-hating ancient Israeli monster named Lilith, a king, soldiers and a would-be lover all bent on destroying her. Mary’s journey, while steeped with betrayal and the foul stench of the ultimate demon, is a setup for an even bigger story. She discovers a lost love found, the promise of a newborn king, and a wealth of new friends from a dwarf with the heart of a warrior to the young mother who loses her husband and children in a bloody massacre. Laugh, cry and gain new insights into the Christmas story as you read Fulfillment.

“The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth so that he might devour her child the moment it was born.”
Revelation 12:4b

Click here to choose the paperback or Kindle version.

Paperback copies make excellent Christmas presents, especially for those who enjoy an original horror story. Tell them it's like Stephen King or Frank Peretti visiting the first century.

Click here to visit my author page on Amazon. 

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Beginning Part 2

A prelude to my novel Fulfillment

Awake

Back inside the safety of the glowing light of an oil lamp and the lingering warmth of a fading cooking fire, Mary found her mother wiping the last of the plates.

“Where’s your dish, Mary?” Mother asked.

“Oh, I must have dropped it outside with the food. May I take Big Ears with me, Mother?”

“Mary, you’re such a child! Joseph wants a wife, not a pet.”

“Well, it wouldn’t hurt to ask him. I think he likes dogs.”

“How would you know a thing like that?”

“I don’t really. I just said that I think he likes dogs. It’s what I think and what I hope. I will miss Big Ears if I can’t take him with me, Mother.”

“You’re not planning to take me along with you, too, are you?”

“Oh, Mother, of course not! You’re too old and besides, Daddy needs you here.”

“Thanks a lot, pal. Perhaps Daddy needs Big Ears. Somebody has to eat the scraps and I suppose lick the plates if you don’t run outside this instant and retrieve that plate, my young one.”

“Yes, mother. Where is Daddy, anyway?”

“He’s sleeping. He’s had a rough day and needs his rest. He’s not as young as he used to be. So you’ll be quiet, won’t you, dear?”

“Of course, Mother.”

As Mary started for the back door of the cottage, there was a loud rush of wind and the cooking fire flared up with a whoosh.

“Mother, what was that?”

“It’s probably just the wind. Perhaps a storm is on the way. We could use the rain.”

“It didn’t sound like any wind I ever heard,” Mary responded.

“Oh, Mary, the things you think about! Go get that plate, now. I’m waiting.”

Mary returned to the yard and snatched up the plate. Was that a giant moonlit shadow she saw crossing the stone wall behind her house again? Mary gasped for breath and then ran in.

“Mother, Big Ears never came for his supper. Do you suppose something could have happened to him?”

“Don’t be a worry-wart, child. He’s probably visiting his fiancé. Dogs get married too, sometimes.”

“No they don’t. They just pretend they’re married and make puppies.”

“Mary!”

“Well, it’s true.”

“You’re far too young to speak of such things.”

“I’m engaged to be married. I have to know about these things!”

“I suppose, but you’re still a little girl to me.”

“Mother!”

“I know, dear. Time flies on eagle’s wings while here below, we just get older.”

“I’m going to my room now, Mother.”

“Give your mother a kiss before you go.”

“Yes, Mother.”

As Mary turned away from kissing her mother’s cheek, she heard a loud, hissing snake-like voice, “Marrrry, I amm heeee whoooo destroyssss you. I am he who rulesssss.”

Mary turned back to her mother and asked, “What was that?”

“What was what,” Mother replied.

“That horrible voice.”

“What voice?”

Mary awoke in her bed. How long have I been asleep?

THE END

The story continues in my novel Fulfillment

Satan had no idea who he was messing with.
Mary wasn’t your ordinary unmarried pregnant teenager. This kid had moxie and connections in extremely high places.

In Fulfillment, the secret concerning the baby in Mary’s womb attracts evil spirits, a woman-hating ancient Israeli monster named Lilith, a king, soldiers and a would-be lover all bent on destroying her. Mary’s journey, while steeped with betrayal and the foul stench of the ultimate demon, is a setup for an even bigger story. She discovers a lost love found, the promise of a newborn king, and a wealth of new friends from a dwarf with the heart of a warrior to the young mother who loses her husband and children in a bloody massacre. Laugh, cry and gain new insights into the Christmas story as you read Fulfillment.

“The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth so that he might devour her child the moment it was born.”
Revelation 12:4b

Click here to choose the paperback or Kindle version.

Paperback copies make excellent Christmas presents, especially for those who enjoy an original horror story. Tell them it's like Stephen King or Frank Peretti visiting the first century.

Click here to visit my author page on Amazon.

Friday, December 15, 2017

Beginning Part 1

A prelude to my novel Fulfillment

Asleep

As Mary waited for sleep, her thoughts turned to the evil that now haunted her.

“Yes, Mother. I will, Mother,” Mary remembered answering. She was being polite and submissive, not exasperated the way she really felt. She remembered grabbing one of the plates and gathering the scrapings of vegetable skins and leftover bones along with the crumbs of bread from the new wooden eating table and taking them into the yard in back of the family cottage. There she placed the scraps on the ground and called, “Big Ears! Come eat your supper.”

Mary listened. The gathering darkness hurried her thoughts. She did not like to be alone outside when the sun went down, even in her own family’s yard. “Big Ears!” she called again. A loud whoosh of wind passed close behind her, rustling her skirt. She suppressed an urge to cry out, speaking a soft, “Oh!” instead. She turned around but there was nothing, only the ever darkening sky. In the distance beyond the village limits, the hills disappeared in the blackness against the night.

“Big Ears!” she cried again, this time in the new direction toward the hills behind her village home. There was no response so she bent over and emptied the plate onto the ground. While she was bent over, she heard the roar.

She thought at first it must be the roar of a lion, but of course there were no lions in the hills nowadays. Perhaps a wolf, or maybe a leopard, she thought. But wolves do not roar, do they? Must be a leopard. Or a jackal. She slowly straightened her tiny back and shivered. Her face, which had been smiling when she came out of the house, now bore a frown of worry and something else. Her eyes slowly began to show the something else when a huge dark shadow passed along a stone wall in the yard. Her mouth opened slowly as she held back the urge to scream as long as she could. When the roar came again, she released a suppressed “huh!” and then dropped the plate on top of Big Ears’ supper. She turned and ran.

To be continued...
 

Satan had no idea who he was messing with.
Mary wasn’t your ordinary unmarried pregnant teenager. This kid had moxie and connections in extremely high places.

In Fulfillment, the secret concerning the baby in Mary’s womb attracts evil spirits, a woman-hating ancient Israeli monster named Lilith, a king, soldiers and a would-be lover all bent on destroying her. Mary’s journey, while steeped with betrayal and the foul stench of the ultimate demon, is a setup for an even bigger story. She discovers a lost love found, the promise of a newborn king, and a wealth of new friends from a dwarf with the heart of a warrior to the young mother who loses her husband and children in a bloody massacre. Laugh, cry and gain new insights into the Christmas story as you read Fulfillment.

“The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth so that he might devour her child the moment it was born.”
Revelation 12:4b

Click here to choose the paperback or Kindle version.

Paperback copies make excellent Christmas presents, especially for those who enjoy an original horror story. Tell them it's like Stephen King or Frank Peretti visiting the first century.

Click here to visit my author page on Amazon.


Friday, December 8, 2017

Fulfillment


As one critic wrote:
“This may be the most unique version of the Christian Nativity story ever written.… Author Paul R. Lloyd has turned his fertile and vivid imagination loose on a story that millions of people hold sacred and find too familiar to grab much attention during its telling. But hold on to your hats! This one is different!”

I suspect most people today think of Christmas as that cheery time when we gather the family, exchange gifts, fool little people into believing in Santa Clause, and oh by the way, celebrate the birth of Jesus in that stable in long ago Bethlehem.

What could be sweeter than the birth of a baby destined to grow up to save us from the evil clutches of Satan and an eternity in hell? Cool story, right? Except buried near the end of the Bible version, King Herod orders the murder of every male child under age two in the town of Bethlehem. This mass murder probably included a lot of girl babies, if you think about it, because soldiers aren’t particular when they have to fend off moms and dads attempting to protect their young. This means a lot of moms and dads may have died as part of that horrible event. It’s likely that a number of Bethlehem families were entirely wiped out.

The purpose of the mass execution was to kill the Christ child who King Herod saw as a threat to his family’s dynasty. So here’s the thing – this act of violence shows believers that the enemy – Satan and his minions – were out to stop the Messiah from saving the world. We think of this as a type of spiritual warfare.

I found it interesting that in more than 2,000 years following the massacre, no one had written a story about what Satan was up to while God was about the business of sending Jesus to save the world. No one, that is, until I wrote Fulfillment.

My story is about realistic people rather than plaster saints. People in ancient Palestine laughed, cried, celebrated, worried and did all the other things we normal type modern folks do. Mary and Joseph in my novel battle Satan’s attempts to destroy them and their baby.

As I thought about putting this story to electronic paper, I considered what would Satan’s natural strategy be? If Jesus is the Son of God, then he is way too powerful for Satan to attack directly. So what do you do if you’re Satan? Kill the mother before Jesus is born, that’s what.

But Satan had no idea who he was messing with. Mary wasn’t your ordinary unmarried pregnant teenager. This kid had moxie and connections in extremely high places.

In Fulfillment, the secret concerning the baby in Mary’s womb attracts evil spirits, a woman-hating ancient Israeli monster named Lilith, a king, soldiers and a would-be lover all bent on destroying her. Mary’s journey, while steeped with betrayal and the foul stench of the ultimate demon, is a setup for an even bigger story. She discovers a lost love found, the promise of a newborn king, and a wealth of new friends from a dwarf with the heart of a warrior to the young mother who loses her husband and children in a bloody massacre. Laugh, cry and gain new insights into the Christmas story as you read Fulfillment.

“The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth so that he might devour her child the moment it was born.”
Revelation 12:4b

Click here to choose the paperback or Kindle version.

Choose the Kindle version for yourself. Paperback copies make excellent Christmas presents, especially for those who are not likely to read the original Christmas story in the Bible but will read a horror story. Tell them it's like Stephen King visiting the first century.

Click here to visit my author page on Amazon.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Fearless Fall Reading


GHOSTLY YET ROMANTIC HUMOR
What makes those noises in the hidden spaces in your home after you send the kids to bed with candy-swollen bellies on Halloween night? What better time to leave a light on and read my novel Hags. As the body count rises, the police arrest Micah Probert, the ex-con who appears mighty suspicious if you ask Ahlman Brown – the man with gossamer wings hidden under his shirt. And will Micah learn the secret to clear his name and save Naperville, Illinois, from ancient hags and demons bent on destruction?

“It's like stepping into a Peretti novel, where the characters of the book are joined by the unseen characters - angels and demons.” Becky Davis in her Amazon review of Fulfillment by Paul R. Lloyd.

“Fast. Intense. No way around it. Paul is a top-notch noir writer. Top-notch.” Thomas Phillips, author of The Molech Prophecy

HAGS PREVIEW
Megan pulled at her skirt as she sat down. She wished she had worn slacks instead of her shortest outfit.

Dr. Langdon stepped behind his desk and picked up a file. He returned to the front of the desk and sat in the open seat, pulling it over so it touched Megan’s chair. He smiled while he opened the file. “Let’s talk about what we can do to bring up your math grade, Megan. I’d hate to have you not graduate with your class.”

He patted her on the hand.

Megan crossed her legs and stared at a smudge on the wall behind Dr. Langdon’s desk. She waited for what other girls said always came next.

To choose the paperback or Kindle version, click here.


Monday, October 9, 2017

Moving My Writer's Group to Wheaton

The Write Time Writers Group will move our meetings from Geneva to Vineyard Church of DuPage in Wheaton starting Thursday, October 12, 2017. Meetings run from 7:30 pm to 9 pm. I lead the group with a focus on helping members perfect their craft through workshops, writing exercises and critiques. There is no cost for membership. Established in 2004, the group meets regularly on the second and fourth Thursdays each month and welcomes writers of all ages and levels of experience from teens through seniors. Vineyard Church of DuPage is located at 1900 Manchester Rd, Wheaton, IL 60187.


Please visit my author's page on Amazon to purchase my novels and short fiction. Click here.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Writing Prompt #7

Prompt: What is the meaning of the …

4 Minute Timed Writing Exercise

Result

What is the meaning of the grunge band in our living room? That stuff sucked back in my day and it still sucks now. Can’t you kids learn the violin for crying out loud.

But dad, we’re a retro group. We call ourselves the Retros so we have to play stuff that sounds grungy.

Yeah Mr D. We even have a song in our second set that’s like totally grody. Did you have grody in your day, Mr. D?

How about Beach Boys, kids. You can’t go wrong with the Beach Boys.

Dad, that’s the worst thing you ever said.

Beach Boys?

Yeah, girls can’t do beach boys. They’re a boy band.

Oh, you knew that?

Dad, we are history majors you know.


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Choose one of my stories for your next reading experience. Please let me know how you enjoyed it by commenting below or on Amazon. I also enjoy hearing from readers at my author’s email address which is paul dot lloyd dot author at gmail dot com. (Thanks for taking time to figure out that email address so I don’t have to worry about the spider bots getting me.) Include a copy of your Amazon receipt or just the receipt number and I'll email a free ebook to you.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

What Real Dialogue Sounds Like

Read Like a Writer Series #4

Feature novel: Steel Pennies for $0.99.

Have you ever become frustrated by a story’s dialogue? It sounds stilted. No one really talks that way. If the gang banger was that ticked off, why didn’t he use cuss words?

Dialogue may be the most difficult lesson for a writer to learn, yet it’s the thing that throws you as a reader right out of the story and onto another book.

What does real dialogue sound like? Writers imitate the speech they hear around them, but often forget or never learned that in weaving a well-told tale, the dialogue moves the plot forward. The challenge is to make it sound like real people while leaving out unnecessary verbiage.

As a reader of dialogue, you can sharpen your ear the same way you hone your ear for music – by listening. Next time you’re out and about, pay attention to the speakers around you. Yes, I want you to eavesdrop. Where are the best places for this nefarious activity? Try the obvious like your local coffee shop. Sit on a bench at your local mall so you can listen to the tidbits of conversation you pick up as people pass you by. Listen at work or school. What are people saying and how do they say it? TV and movies also provide a base for dialogue, but be careful to listen to good TV or films.

One of the fun things with movie dialogue is to listen to the characters in the old movies from the thirties and forties. Listen for slang that is no longer used or sappy romance dialogue that wasn’t believable then and is plain laughable today. When was the last time you heard someone say, “Oh, you big lug?”

This month’s full-length feature novel is Steel Pennies. “I contemplated how my hand had been up inside Cynthia’s skull.” Check out Steel Pennies, a noir thriller coming of age novel set in 1960. Read a chunk free on Amazon. Hey, it’s only $0.99 today.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Improbable Fiction

Improbable Fiction is a play written by Alan Ackybourn that runs through June 4, 2017 featuring the Buffalo Theatre Ensemble at the McAninch Arts Center at College of DuPage located at Fawell and Park Boulevards in Glen Ellyn, IL. The play stars Robert Jordan Bailey who has graciously agreed to stop by for a blog visit. It’s a must-see for writers and anyone who loves a writer.

Tell us a bit about Improbable Fiction. What drew you to this play?
The script follows an amateur writing group’s monthly meeting. You get to know an amusing group of writers all struggling with the creative process. Act II turns what you have learned on its head by fancifully exploring a common exercise utilized by writers groups. The show is both an engaging character study and a rip-roaring farce.

BTE has a long history with the playwirght, Alan Ackybourn. This particular script was written for the 50th anniversary celebration of the Stephen Joseph Theatre in Scarborough, England, where he served as artistic director. Since this is BTE’s 30th anniversary season, we thought the celebratory tie-in appropriate. We also loved the theatricality of the piece and the way it speaks to and pokes fun at the creative process while all the while championing the effort.

What originally drew me to this play? Well to be honest, when I first read it, I wasn’t a fan. But one of the distinguishing elements of playscripts is that they are not a sum unto themselves but simply the written pathway for what is intended to be a live action event. Sometimes what is on the page is hard to visualize. Thankfully Connie and Amelia (our artistic director and associate director) saw the charm and potential that eluded me. Once I started working on the piece, I saw so much that I had missed. I love playing Arnold. He is such a sweet, open soul, full of heart and empathy.

What can audiences expect when they go to see Improbable Fiction?
Surprises! Act I is all about getting to know the members of the writers group – and they are a lovable bunch of eccentrics.  But Act II takes a surprising turn that keeps you guessing until the end! Audiences can expect to fall in love with these characters but also expect to leave the evening sore from belly laughs! And there are clever insights along the way as well.

What do you find to be most interesting about your character in Improbable Fiction?
Arnold has great empathy for the struggles of the other writers in the group while not having a shred of self-pity for his own perceived lack of creative imagination. His backstory is that of a man who constantly gives of himself and has unwittingly crafted an idea of himself that may be flawed. I find the flawed narratives we accidentally write for ourselves to be fascinating. You don’t know what you don’t know, right? Arnold also ends up caught in crazy and shocking events and, for me, getting to play that is a comic gift. It’s sort of like being in an old episode of “Bewitched!”

What is your favorite thing about acting?
Gosh, that’s a hard one.  I’ve been acting for thirty years now and I would have to say there have probably been different “favorite” things at different times. Actor friends would harass me for saying it – as it sounds horribly pretentious – but I really love the “work” of it. The research, (learning about time of the script, background of the character, dialect, etc.), creating a character and establishing the relationships with the other characters.  One of the first things audiences often comment on is “how did you memorize all those lines?” but that’s only the start. Knowing what your character says and how he chooses to say it informs so much of what you create. And the BTE rehearsal process is so quick (5 weeks), one needs to show up the first day completely memorized!

Have you ever tried to write a novel?
I have thought about it.  I love to read – something theatre gets in the way of – and I have toyed with giving writing a try. They say everyone has one novel in them, maybe I will attempt to squeeze mine out one day.  

What do you have coming up next?
BTE is gearing up for its 31st season so I am putting a lot of energy into that. As an ensemble and board member, I am involved even when I am not on stage. All three shows of our 31st season – 39 Steps, Time Stands Still and Outside Mullingar, focus on lovers whose relationships are in flux. I will be acting in the Spring show Outside Mullingar. It’s a more serious script than what I have done this year. Though I love farce, drama with a hint of comedy is what I really love doing. If you haven’t gotten your subscription for next year, please purchase it before June 6th so you get the 25% discount! I have also been doing some auditions so who knows, maybe I will pop up on some other stages before spring of 2018!

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Are You The Best Person to Write Your Book?

Blog Your Way to a Book Series #4

Before reading this blog, take advantage of my special offer of a free ebook in honor of St.Patrick's Day. Click the Special Offers button above for more information.

Of course you are! You’re the expert in your chosen topic – or you will be by the time you research your topic and place your unique spin on it. You need two things to qualify as a business book author. You can handle both of them or hire a pro for the job. But in the end, your blog post requires the involvement of your brain. Two things you need to qualify as the best person to write your book:
1. Writing Skills
2. Something to Say

Writing Skills
Well, duh. Remember in this series you don’t have to worry about writing your book yet. Instead, write a series of simple blog posts. Posts may run anywhere from about a hundred words to say 500 at the high end. Write your blog post until finished. If it seems long, chop it into two blog posts. Writing a blog post requires:
Knowledge and expertise: Write your message based on your expertise for the topic and theme you have already chosen (review the previous blog post on this topic if you haven’t taken this step yet.)
Critical thinking skills: When you write about a topic you have to analyze it and render judgments that will inform your readers and motivate them to act in new ways.
Wordsmithing: You should have at least a basic understanding of how to structure a sentence and paragraph. If you don’t, consider an English 101 class at your local community college. You need to understand basic grammar, word choice, and other things that constitute a well-crafted essay. Otherwise, you will require a budget for a professional, like me, to write and edit for you.
Storytelling: Create a well-crafted message with impact that motivates your readers to take an action. Storytelling involves the way you set up your topic in the reader’s mind and then wow them with a compelling statement that builds tension in the reader’s mind. Hook the reader’s attention and keep hooking them throughout your blog post with challenging statements and questions that continue to raise the level of tension. Tension is the key to storytelling. It’s the feeling in the reader’s heart that makes them want to know more.
Promotion: Blog posts succeed when you attract readers. When you blog your way to a book, you will at the same time build readership for your book when it comes out.

The second thing is having something to say about your topic. I’ll dive into what to say in my next blog post on this topic. In the meantime, have fun. And if you would like my help as a coach, post a comment below or contact me at paul dot Lloyd dot author at gmail dot com.

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