Why I Wrote Fulfillment

Okay, Mr. Suspense Writer, why did you write a thriller around the original Christmas story? I'm asked that question frequently, so I decided to answer it as the first question in my video interview series. Each video answers one question. Enjoy this first interview video.

If you have a question for this series, let me know by commenting here or send an email. If you'd like to read Fulfillment, it's available on Amazon for the Kindle. Or visit my biz website to find a link where you can purchase the PDF ebook version or the paperback. It's a full-length 80,000 word novel (nearly 300 pages).

Miley Cyrus for President

Okay, this one requires an amendment to the constitution or a seventeen-year wait, but stay with me on this. You may be asking yourself why anyone would think a teenage music star is qualified to be President of the United States. Stop for a moment and think about the people running for President today.

I rest my case.

Actually I don’t. That only explains why we need another candidate in the race. Let’s take a look at Miley’s qualifications.

Follow the Money
The first rule in life, especially politics, is to follow the money. Miley is a self-made gazillionaire. How many other gazillionaire made their first gazillion by the time they were eighteen? You can count them on two fingers: The Olsen Twins.

Where did Miley obtain her gazillions? This is the crucial question that more than anything else qualifies Miley Cyrus to be our next President.

Miley’s money comes from her fan base of screaming teenagers. That’s right. Miley’s not owned by the mob, the fat cat politicos, lobbyists, the big corporate donors – none of those scumbags need apply. Miley is beholding to teenage America. People who can’t even vote. It’s not possible for a candidate to be more independent than Miley.

Okay, I hear you. What about Billy Ray Cyrus? Sure, he has some influence and so does her mom, but Miley brings in the bucks. Even Billy Ray has to follow the money.

Higher Intelligence
We expect our President to be a high IQ type. Miley Cyrus qualifies on several levels. Understand, she does not have to be a nuclear physicist to serve as President. She only needs to be more intelligent than the other candidates. As I said above, consider the other candidates in the race. How intelligent are those fine folks? Have you ever heard one of them speak? Have you listened to the debates? Have you heard one sentence that contains an indication of a higher intelligence at work?

Now, consider Miley. Becoming a gazillionaire while still a teenager certainly indicates she has the right stuff, including the smarts to serve and lead. She has a better sense of humor than any of the other candidates, which is a sure sign of intelligence.

Oh, and most important, she decided not to go to college. As a gazillionaire, she realizes that it doesn’t make economic sense to spend $150,000 for a four-year liberal arts degree that qualifies you as a hamburger flipper in today’s economy. How did she get smart enough to skip college? She avoided junior high and high school (unless you count Disney High but I don’t think anyone does).

Miley Cyrus is qualified to call the education emperor naked and lead the reform movement away from classrooms and into cyberspace where education belongs. And she is free to think what she chooses, including having a healthy understanding of what government should be about rather than what it is.

Speaking of Almost Naked
Miley Cyrus has that special quality that all great political leaders possess – the ability to stand on two opposing positions at the same time with no one really noticing or caring. Think Ronald Reagan here. Miley has successfully balanced her good Christian “wait until marriage” pledge with sexting. It’s a delicate balance, but she somehow pulls it off (pun intended).

Sexting – Solution to International Relations
I know you’re worried about how Miley Cyrus would handle the Chinese, the Arabs, the Israelis, and those pesky Canadians among others. Miley has something going for her that no other candidate can match with the possible exception of Sarah Palin – sexting. Imagine the first international crises of her administration. The whoevers are about to invade the what-the-hecks. Miley picks up the emergency hotline (giving it new meaning) and sends a sexting message to the dictator with the invasion force. What can the dictator do but assume the worst and back off. Otherwise they would have to deal with Miley in her undergarments.

Which brings us to Fulfillment
So far this conversation has nothing to do with the release of my new suspense thriller Fulfillment. But Miley Cyrus has achieved a great deal of success because of her moxie. My main character in Fulfillment also has a great deal of moxie and connections in high places. Her name is Mary. Satan gets the bright idea that if you can’t kill Jesus because he is God after all, then what better way to stop the salvation of the world then to kill the mother before he is born?

Fulfillment is the story of the first Christmas retold with Satan added into the mix. Think about it. What was Satan up to while God was going about the business of sending his son to save the world? It’s okay to read my scary novel late at night with the rain pounding on your windows and thunder and lightning outside, but leave the light on. You’ll need it.

Who says you can’t buy Fulfillment? It’s only a $1.99 on Amazon. And don’t forget to vote for Miley.

What is your butt telling you?

My mistake was buying the smart phone. It gets my email, gives me the weather report, provides a map to wherever I’m going, and I can even get ground positioning satellite service from this thing. Oh, and by the way, I can make a phone call with it.

The phone part is the problem. Why don’t they put a flip cover on the smart phones to shut them up?

If you don’t have a smart phone, let me explain. The face of the smart phone, the part that shows the movies, the games, and the websites, also shows you a bunch of buttons you can push when, let’s say, you want to make a phone call.

The problem happens when you slide the little thingy into your hip pocket after you finish your call. The screen touches your pants as it slides in where it belongs, and so buttons get pushed. You’re sitting there minding your own business when your butt starts talking to you.

I hear this soft tin voice coming from the posterior region. “Hello? Dad, is that you?”

Yes, it’s my daughter talking to me from my pocket. When you get past a certain age, you begin to worry when you hear voices speaking out of your butt. Especially voices you recognize. Talk about scary suspense! I didn’t even hear my butt ringing. Thank goodness I didn’t put it on vibrate.

I’ve known for years that sales people are always talking out of their butts, but now they’re talking out of mine. How can you buy anything from a little voice in your pocket?

My daughter works in IT and assures me I’m not the only victim of butt-talk. It's quite common among smart phone users. I'm just sorry the phone's not as smart as my butt.

Butt-talk… will you be next?

When Becky Florped

Here's another venture into the world of sci-fi suspense. At least I think it's sci-fi and suspense. Imagine living in an isolated space colony for about a hundred years or thereabouts. Your language evolves as your population lives in isolation. When Becky florped three three times, and Tom grabbed the glinknipper, the conversation went something like this...

“Ouch!” you left the tarnickle exposed again, Becky.
“Twarn’t me. I’ve been busy all day with morkmiter. Why do you think I just florped brinknackly three times.”
Oh, sorry about the pedinkle morkmiter. I was feeding the kerpolusion and forgot about it.
“No prinkmuster. But what about the tarnickle all over the bringbobber?”
“We could just call the pliminator.”
“Too much kerblank. We go through a lot of kerblank these daproms.
If we watch our perniskys, we should be oinkbonker.”
AQ. I can hankrinkle a few daproms without spending a lot of kerblank. I’ll stop eating wormglommers and pishunks.”
“And I’ll stay away from the binkmommer.

Landed Gentry

Their father was one of the landed gentry in a land without gentry. Without fertile land for that matter. What need of land on a rock being mined for its nickel and small quantities of precious metals? Food you import from the bases on the south side of the moon. Landed gentry, ha. First off, most of them were women and they were company men, or women, as the case may be. Mine supervisors. But we called them landed gentry because they landed first. And they got to take off first at the end of the three-year shift, which now has a mere 13 months, 3 weeks and two days to go. Zelda Gimplocker was of the landed gentry. She owned the land I mined with Zorkgrack, my botdrill. Of the two I preferred Zelda, but she was the bossier of the two. Zorkgrack was the better cook. But Zorkgrack in bed is just something I don’t want to think about, especially with Zelda leaning over my shoulder right now.

Vampire River

Another episode of  my scary suspense theater. Keep your eye on the vampires across the river. They're the ones that sneak up behind you in the movie theater and get you just as you're about to scream at the most frightening part of the film. That's why you'll find me in the last row of the balcony. Which reminds me, when was the last time you were in a movie theater that had a balcony? Let me know where it is.

Something Stirs – Christian Suspense by Thomas Smith

You know the drill. A family moves into the house on the hill. Everything is cool. Everyone is happy. Then Something Stirs. It’s creepy. Critters drop like flies. We’re talking dried-up-prunes type flies. Read Something Stirs late at night when you are alone.  If you dare. Something Stirs mixes suspense with spiritual warfare. It’s devil vs. God and you know who’s going to win that one, but the fun is in how you get there. This novel does a lovely slow waltz build up to a fast-paced, roller coaster ending.  Leave the light on, folks. Easier to read that way and a whole lot easier to stay in your skin. Christian suspense by Thomas Smith. Available in bookstores. Try Amazon.