Scary Humor

Friday, November 23, 2012

Travelers in the North Country


New to this series? Read from the beginning of the story by clicking here.

***
When the short, plump innkeeper opened the door, a thin man of medium height pushed his way in. The innkeeper attempted to close the door behind the rover, but a rush of raw spirit forced him back. An aroma of burned sulfur filled his nostrils. The hair on the back of his neck rose.

The innkeeper sought his voice. His mouth and jaw moved up and down, but nothing came out. He swallowed hard and found a weak, faded and stammering voice. “Do you wish food, wine, and a place to sleep? For these you must have coins.” He spoke in Greek tainted with bits of the Aramaic common to the townsfolk.

The gray cat at the innkeeper’s feet noticed the black demons drenched in brimstone. It stood with its hackles up and screeched. The innkeeper kicked the cat, and finding his normal voice, said to it, “Here, you, what’s this?”

The traveler reached into his cloak and pulled coins from a purse revealing a long knife tucked into his belt as he did so. He dropped a few coins in the innkeeper’s hands.

“These will do. Welcome, stranger, and eat. Follow me. Here is a place for you at table. Don’t mind the cat.”

The man checked the spot where the innkeeper indicated. Other travelers filled the table. A blind man wore rags so must have had a good day’s begging to afford a night of comfort. Another had but one leg and a stick nearby to lean upon. A third leaned his head on his hand and slept while two flies buzzed between his cup and a half empty plate. The traveler ignored the others at the table and strode off towards a man staring out the latticework window. That man wore a coarse cloth and leather outfit with a short skirt. His hand rested on the hilt of a sword.

“As you wish, sir,” called the innkeeper to the traveler. Nodding towards the man by the window, the innkeeper said, “He is of the king’s guard over there. A quiet man. You two are well met.”

The innkeeper shook his head as he turned towards the kitchen. He lifted one of the coins to his mouth and bit into it.

Across the room, the traveler addressed the military man in Latin-stained Aramaic. “She is here.”

The spirits gathered about the two men, some hanging from the ceiling, some crawling like roaches on the floor. The cat backed away from the specters towards the warmth of the kitchen.

The military man sniffed the air and winced at the pungent odor that followed the traveler. “She has been busy in the marketplace. We should act tonight,” he replied.

“You have your sword.”

“Herod said to wait for you. When he says ‘wait,’ I wait. When he says ‘act,’ I act. Let us act before the storm worsens.”

“Let’s eat. The road was long today. Uphill. Why this infernal town of all places?”

“She is here, Hillalel.”

“You are a simple man, Bezalel. I on the other hand am a hungry one. A bit of wine, some cheese, bread and a warm hearth. She’ll still be around in the morning.”

The dark fiends leapt upon the two men, with half digging their claws into their brains, while the others sank tentacles into their hearts, each encouraging the men on their journey.

“I feel twitchy. Shouldn’t we be about our business?” Bezalel scratched at his back.

“This place has an air about it. I don’t like it here. I feel... well, you are right, Bezalel. Let’s go.” Turning to leave, Hillalel shouted, “Innkeeper.”

The innkeeper came running. He could not see the black demons infesting the men, but he shook in their presence and stuttered. “Yes, sir, your food is prepared. The girl brings a hot stew, see?”

“Hold the food and wine” Hillalel waved off the innkeeper.

The two men trudged out, dragging with them an invisible army of evil clutching with their claws and tentacles.

“She is down this way,” said Bezalel.

“Yes, I know.”
***
To Dwell Among Us continues tomorrow.

Free Fulfillment - save the date
Download a free copy of my Christmas novel, Fulfillment, for your Kindle starting on Tuesday, November 27th. That's the Tuesday after Thanksgiving.

And if you can't wait that long, it's only a couple of bucks on my Amazon Author Page. See all of my Amazon books by clicking here.

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Thursday, November 22, 2012

Big Ears


New to this series? Read from the beginning of the story by clicking here.

***
On the way home from Sarah’s house, Mary stopped in the road and tugged Mother’s arm. “Papa’s coming.”

“Why is his face set so hard?” Mother folded her arms across her bosom and waited.

Mary gulped. I should not have let Joseph kiss me, but we are engaged. It is permitted. Why is Papa angry? When he came closer, Mary realized Papa was sad, not angry.

“What is wrong?” Mother asked.

Papa sighed. He stared at Mary before turning his watery eyes away.

Mary grabbed hold of Papa’s arm. “What is it?”

Papa turned back to her. “Big Ears.”

“Is he sick?”

“No, child, he is not sick. He’s been killed. I’m sorry.”

Mary buried her head in his garments.

“What happened to him?” Mother asked.

Papa hugged his daughter. “I found him this morning in the field behind our house. He had been attacked by something.”

“What something?” Mother asked. “You mean a wild animal?”

Papa shook his head. “A powerful animal tore him apart. It’s up in those hills. I must tell the elders.”

“What could it be?” Mary pulled back from Papa.

“I don’t know,” Papa said.
***
To Dwell Among Us continues tomorrow.

Free Fulfillment - save the date
Download a free copy of my Christmas novel, Fulfillment, for your Kindle starting on Tuesday, November 27th. That's the Tuesday after Thanksgiving.

And if you can't wait that long, it's only a couple of bucks on my Amazon Author Page. See all of my Amazon books by clicking here.

Need a Kindle? Download the free version of the Kindle reader for your computer, tablet or smart phone from Amazon by clicking here.

Here’s another novel idea…
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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

A Conspiracy of Mothers

New to this series? Read from the beginning of the story by clicking here.

***
Mary stared at the marriage bed. She turned to face Joseph. On the wall behind Joseph, Mary spotted wood supports for shelving.

“Hello, Joseph.” Mary folded her hands.

“Hi! What are you doing here?”

“Mother and I are visiting Sarah.”

“Oh.” Joseph dropped his carpenter’s plane.

“What does Sarah plan to do with shelves in her marriage room?”

Joseph bent down to pick up his plane. “I have no idea.”

Mary waved an arm in the direction of the shelves. “Was this a conspiracy to bring us together?”

Joseph rose to full height. “Perhaps.”

“Are you glad to see me?”

Joseph smiled. “Yes.”

“Good, because I’m happy to see you, too.” Mary ambled to Joseph and put her arms around his neck. “Soon we shall have our own marriage bed.”

“Yes.” Joseph kissed her lips gently. He then placed his hands on her shoulders and stepped back. “I can hardly wait, yet we will wait, won’t we?”

“Of course, darling.”

“It is a long time for the wedding celebration.”

“That’s because I am so young. If I were even a year older, Papa would permit us to marry right away.”

“Yes, you are my young love.”

“When my next birthday comes, you can speak to Papa about setting the date.”

“Your papa is a good man. He wants the best for you.”

“And you are the best for me, my Joseph, you wonderful carpenter, you.” Mary took Joseph’s hand and swung his arm leading him across the room towards the marriage bed. She sat on the blanketed bed and pulled him down to sit by her side. “Sarah told me to find a place to sit in this room. Here is a good spot. Here we can talk if you like.”

“I have my work, Mary.”

“Then work if you like, and I will watch, but first you have to kiss me.”

Joseph leaned over and kissed Mary. She put her arms around his neck. Joseph took Mary’s wrists into his huge carpenter’s hands and lowered them to her lap. He stood, smiled at her and returned to work. Mary looked on until her mother came for her.

***
To Dwell Among Us continues tomorrow.

Free Fulfillment - save the date
Download a free copy of my Christmas novel, Fulfillment, for your Kindle starting on Tuesday, November 27th. That's the Tuesday after Thanksgiving.

And if you can't wait that long, it's only a couple of bucks on my Amazon Author Page. See all of my Amazon books by clicking here.

Need a Kindle? Download the free version of the Kindle reader for your computer, tablet or smart phone from Amazon by clicking here.

Here’s another novel idea…
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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Visitors


New to this series? Read from the beginning of the story by clicking here.

***
Mary and Mother held their skirts up as they trudged along the muddy road. Mary kept an eye towards the hills and byways for Big Ears, but spotted no sign of the missing dog. As they approached Sarah’s home, she clapped her hands at the site of several large pieces of lumber leaning against the front of the house and a familiar little donkey tied to a good sized rock on the ground.

Mother’s friend Sarah greeted them at the doorway and invited them into the main room of the little home. “Sit here, friends.”

Mother sat on the cushion offered to her, while Mary gaped at the covered doorway that led into another room.

“Do you not wish to sit, Mary?” Sarah asked.

Mary turned away from the closed door. “I’m sorry, what did you ask?”

“Mary!” Mother’s hands flew to her hips. “Why aren’t you listening to Sarah?”

“I’m sorry, Mother. Excuse me, Sarah, for not paying attention.”

Sarah smiled. “Would you prefer a seat in another room, Mary?”

Mary’s eyes lit up. “Mother, do you think it would be permissible?”

“Permissible? Of course, my dear. If Sarah says you are to sit in another room, it is her home, is it not? Who am I to contradict our hostess? Go in peace, child.”

Mother and Sarah laughed as a red-faced Mary ran over to the cloth covered opening. She peeked back at Mother and Sarah. Both women waved their hands to motion her into the room. Mary shrugged her shoulders, smiled, skipped once, remembered to be formal, and disappeared into the next room.

In one corner of the room, a large bed poked out from under a shroud. Mary turned beat red when she realized she was in Sarah and Alexander’s marriage room. On the other side of the room, Joseph smiled at her.

***
To Dwell Among Us continues tomorrow.

Free Fulfillment - save the date
Download a free copy of my Christmas novel, Fulfillment, for your Kindle starting on Tuesday, November 27th. That's the Tuesday after Thanksgiving.

And if you can't wait that long, it's only a couple of bucks on my Amazon Author Page. See all of my Amazon books by clicking here.

Need a Kindle? Download the free version of the Kindle reader for your computer, tablet or smart phone from Amazon by clicking here.

Here’s another novel idea…
Enjoy this blog post? Please share it with your friends by clicking the social media buttons below.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Storm Brewing

New to this series? Read from the beginning of the story by clicking here.

***
Mother wiped the dishes. “Where’s your plate, Mary?”

“I must have dropped it with the food. May I take Big Ears to live with me, Mother?”

“Mary, you’re such a child. Joseph may not want a dog to feed. He wants a wife, not a pet.”

“It wouldn’t hurt to ask him. I think he likes dogs.”

“How would you know?”

“I hope he likes dogs. I will miss Big Ears if I can’t take him with me.”

“You’re not planning to take me along with you, too, are you?”

“Oh, Mother, of course not. You’re too old, and besides, Papa needs you here.”

“Thanks a lot, pal. Perhaps Papa needs Big Ears. Somebody has to eat the scraps and I suppose lick the plates if you don’t run outside this instant and retrieve that dish.”

“Yes, Mother. Where is Papa, anyway?”

“He’s sleeping. He’s had a rough day and needs his rest. He’s not as young as he used to be. So you’ll be quiet, won’t you, dear?”

“As you wish, Mother.”

Mary headed for the back door of the cottage, but stopped when a loud rush of wind exploded and the cooking fire flared with a whoosh.

“Mother, what was that?”

“It’s a storm brewing, child. We could use the rain.”

“Didn’t sound like any wind I ever heard.”

“The things you think about. Get the plate, now.”

Mary returned to the yard and grabbed the dish. A giant moonlit shadow crossed the stone wall behind her house. Mary gasped and ran inside.

“Big Ears never came for his supper. Do you suppose something could have happened to him?” Mary handed the place to Mother.

Mother patted Mary’s head. “Don’t be a worry-wart, child. He’s probably visiting his fiancĂ©e. Dogs get married, too, sometimes.”

Mary’s stomped her foot. “No they don’t. They pretend they’re married and make puppies.”

Mother raised her eyes. “Mary!”

“Well, it’s true.” Mary’s hands flew to her hips.

“You’re far too young to talk about such things.”

Mary grabbed a cloth to dry the dishes. “I’m engaged. I have to know about these things.”

“I suppose, but you’re still a little girl to me.”

“Mother.” Mary’s right fist dropped to her hip.

“I know, dear. Time flies on eagle’s wings while here below, we just get older.”

Mary sighed and raised her eyes to the ceiling. “I’m going to my room now.”

“Give your mother a kiss first.”

“Yes, Mother, I will.”

***
To Dwell Among Us continues tomorrow.

Free Fulfillment - save the date
Download a free copy of my Christmas novel, Fulfillment, for your Kindle starting on Tuesday, November 27th. That's the Tuesday after Thanksgiving.

And if you can't wait that long, it's only a couple of bucks on my Amazon Author Page. See all of my Amazon books by clicking here.

Need a Kindle? Download the free version of the Kindle reader for your computer, tablet or smart phone from Amazon by clicking here.

Here’s another novel idea…
Enjoy this blog post? Please share it with your friends by clicking the social media buttons below.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

The Hill Country – Six Months Later


New to this series? You may begin reading from the beginning of the story by clicking here.

***
Mary’s face reddened, her eyes flared, but she kept her voice polite, submissive and with a hint of sarcasm. “Yes, Mother. I will, Mother.” She pushed the vegetable skins, leftover scraps of bones and the crumbs of bread from the new wooden eating table onto a plate. She took them into the yard in back of the family cottage and dumped them on the ground.

“Big Ears! Come eat your supper.” Mary listened. Her skin crawled. Her eyes widened. She hunched her shoulders withdrawing into herself as she took in the gathering darkness. The burning stench of rotting fear crept up her nose dragging panic close behind.

“Big Ears!” A loud whoosh passed close behind her, rustling her skirt. She suppressed an urge to cry out, speaking instead a soft, “Oh.”

She turned around. In the distance beyond the village, the hills disappeared into the blackness of night.

“Big Ears!” she cried again, this time toward the hills behind her village home.

The response made her shake and almost lose her balance. It must be the roar of a lion, but no lions roam the hills nowadays. A wolf or a leopard? But wolves do not roar, do they? Must be a leopard. Or a jackal. She straightened her tiny back and shivered.

Her face, which had been smiling when she came out of the house, now bore a frown. A huge dark shadow passed along a stone wall in the yard in front of her. She opened her mouth while holding back the urge to scream as long as she could. When the roar came again, she released a suppressed huh and dropped the plate on top of Big Ears’ supper. She ran inside to the safety of the glowing oil lamp and the lingering warmth radiating from a fading cooking fire.

***
To Dwell Among Us continues Monday, November 19, 2012.

Jumpstart your holiday reading
Purchase my novels and stories by visiting my Amazon Author's Page by clicking here.

Download the free version of the Kindle reader for your computer, tablet or smart phone from Amazon by clicking here.

Here’s another novel idea…
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Friday, November 16, 2012

Who Did He See?


New to this series? You may begin reading from the beginning of the story by clicking here.

***
Jaaziah raised his voice and pointed a finger to the ceiling. “Did you see our father Abraham?”

Zechariah shook his head no.

“Did you see Moses?” Jaaziah asked.

Zechariah shook his head no.

“Did you see an angel?” asked Shelomoth.

Zechariah nodded.

“Ah, you met an angel, and the angel has struck you dumb?” asked Jaaziah.

Zechariah nodded.

Pethahiah stepped out from the wall. “Why did the angel strike Zechariah dumb?”

Zechariah moved his hands up and down shaping the curves of a woman’s form.

“What’s he doing?” asked Mahli.

“I don’t know” Jakin shrugged.

“It’s a woman,” said Shelomoth.

“Of course it’s a woman, Shelomoth.” Jaaziah turned to Zechariah. “Was the angel a woman?”

Zechariah shook his head no.

“Aaarph,” shouted Jaaziah.

Jakin pointed a finger at Zechariah. “The angel was pointing out that you should not be found in sin with a woman.”

Zechariah shook his head no. Then he began gesturing with his arms.

“What’s he doing now?” asked Pethahiah.

“I don’t know,” said Shelomoth.

“It’s a baby,” said Jakin. “He’s holding a baby in his arms and rocking it back and forth.”

Zechariah nodded.

Mahli pumped his right fist. “Zechariah has had relations with a woman out of wedlock. She has had a baby, and for this reason, Zechariah was struck dumb.”

Zechariah shook his head no and struck Mahli several times about the head.

“Ah, at last I get it,” shouted Jaaziah. “You glimpsed a woman angel holding a baby.”

Zechariah shook his head no.

“Aagggh!” shouted Jaaziah.

“What if he heard an angel who told him about a woman holding a baby?” asked Shelomoth.

Zechariah shook his head yes.

“Who was the woman?” asked Jaaziah.

Zechariah pointed at himself.

“You’re a mother?” asked Jakin.

“Don’t be simple, Jakin,” said Pethahiah. “He’s not saying he’s the mother. He’s pointing to himself for another reason.”

“Is he the father?” suggested Shelomoth.

Zechariah nodded.

“You’re to become a father?” asked Jaaziah.

Zechariah nodded.

“And who is to be the mother, old Elizabeth?” Jakin’s voice rose to a high pitch.

Zechariah nodded.

“You and Elizabeth are to have a baby?” asked Jaaziah. “At your age?”

The priests laughed.

Zechariah nodded.

“A boy baby or a girl baby?” Shelomoth asked.

Zechariah made a gesture with his hand.

“A boy baby,” laughed Jaaziah. “That’s good, Zechariah.” Turning to the other priests, Jaaziah repeated the gesture. “See, it will be a boy baby.” The priests laughed and began making the sign.

“But why did the angel strike you dumb?” Shelomoth asked. “A boy baby is great news if true.”

“Yes, but who would believe such a thing. Zechariah? At his age?” Mahli laughed and continued making the gesture.

“Ahhh,” said Jaaziah. “For your disbelief you have been struck dumb?”

The priests stopped laughing and gesturing and turned to Zechariah.

Zechariah nodded. He lowered his head and wept.

***
To Dwell Among Us continues tomorrow.

Jumpstart your holiday reading
Purchase my novels and stories by visiting my Amazon Author's Page by clicking here.

Download the free version of the Kindle reader for your computer, tablet or smart phone from Amazon by clicking here.

Here’s another novel idea…
Enjoy this blog post? Please share it with your friends by clicking the social media buttons below.

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