Vampires on the Moon

My new book -- Vampires on the Moon -- rampages through monsters, kids, lovers – young, old and some undead. If you enjoy short stories and flash fiction, this is the book you’ve waited for your whole life. Well, not exactly your whole life. More like since your last bathroom break. But hey, you need a book like Vampires on the Moon to keep your brain flushed with nearly 150 pages of horror humor. Stories you’re dying to read like The Vampire’s Wife’s Rant and How I Flunked Vampire will entice more than a smile before exposing your neck to whoever that is tapping at your bedroom window right now. A few, a very few, will make your skin crawl in the usual horrific way so be sure to check out Night Terror and West Chester, Pennsylvania. For Twilight Zone fans, you’ll discover Exit 13. For lovers of ancient mysteries with a touch of scary, read A Case of Murder in Ancient Egypt and Little Miss Forgotten (historical set in the sixties). Sci-Fi fan? You’re in luck with Garbage Scow Willie and the Mother Ship. How about a spirit-filled adventure? Try Wally Bonner’s Spirit-filled Dollar and How It Was Paddy O’Reilly Got To Heaven. Are you ready for a couple of stories that wait until the end to “gotcha?” Try Egbert and McDonalds Glenview on Waukegan Road. Lots more surprises in this collection. Click here to learn more or buy.

I Died on Page 27

I died on page 27. Depending on how the publisher laid out this particular copy of the story, you may discover I actually passed away on page 36 or 43. Or you may be reading this on my blog. If you are, watch out because I'm not sure if I had a virus or a bacterial infection. In the event of the story appearing in an anthology, you may first find my dead body on page 342 or 296. In a literary magazine, depend on finding me sprawled out in a bloody mess on page 83. No matter, the point is I’m dead. For the record, I lied about the virus and bacterial infection thing above. Never trust an untrustworthy narrator even if he is dead.

Shot in the head. And I haven’t the foggiest who did it. Do you know? Of course not because I haven’t told you yet. You see the Catch 22 here, don’t you? If I don’t know who offed me, and I’m the only one who can tell you or at least deposit sufficient clues for you to follow, well, then you see the murderer or murderers got clean away with it, didn’t they? And we can’t have that. So where do we go from here? Well, page 2 for a starter. Let’s see if we can’t work together to solve this thing somehow based on the few details I remember from my sordid but happy life. Don't pay any attention to that smoking Glock in my dead right hand. Myrtle Beanbaum placed it there to throw us off. Didn't she?

THE END


Molly and Jack

Molly, did you read Snpgrdxz?

Which one, Jack?

The first one, Snpgrdxz and the Time Monsters.

Finished it last week. Why?

So did you read read the second one?

You mean Snpgrdxz and the Time Warriors? The one you told me about last week and I quote: With the troll zombies behind them and nosferatu, werewolves and worse in front of them, Bryan Ganarski and Jennifer Hawkins rush headlong into a romantic, fast-paced misadventure. Joining them on the journey are Gilbert, Tony, CJ and the rest of the gang, including Snpgrdxz, the teenaged space alien shape shifter who can be either a boy or girl depending on his or her mood. Little do they know what monsters await. Is Bryan still totally insane or is there a part of him that can fall in love with the right version of his time-traveling girlfriend? With hormones, earther and other, flying high, will these intrepid time warriors find their way home or become stuck in yet another out-of-time calamity?

That's it.

Well, don't just sit there. Click here and buy Snpgrdxz and the Time Warriors. 

So Jack, do  you think Myrtle Beanbaum killed that dead guy in the story up top?

Betcha he killed himself. With an ego that big he has to be the killer.

I'm not so sure.

Just click here and buy Snpgrdxz and the Time Warriors. 

Click.

Down by the dark and lonely river, the young girl walks

If only Trevor were here.

Someone is following me. But who? Could it be Ralph, that pesky boy who simply won't take no for an answer?

With my luck it's probably that mad serial killer out to claim another victim.

Footsteps? They're coming faster. Trevor, why did you have to break our date so early?

I must... Run!

Oh no, he's behind me. What should I do?

“Ahhhhhh!”

“Marta?”

“Oh, it's you, Trevor. What a relief. I thought – well – well – boy, am I glad to see you, but what are you doing out here by the river walk?”

“I was searching for you, Marta.”

“You were?”

“Yes, I want you.”

“You do?”

“Yes, naturally. I couldn't stand the thought of you alone out here and me somewhere else.”

“Trevor, you're so sweet. Hey, what's that thing in your hand?”

“The murder weapon. I like to use it on lonely nights like this.”

“Ahhhhh!”

THE END

For more murder mystery and thriller action, read Steel Pennies. Click here to purchase on Amazon.

Duck by Duck

"Bird by bird, duck by duck, I love you, but I will shoot you if you tick me off one more time. Love is such a fool’s errand. As my friend Tony’s dad told us one time, 'Remember boys, with marriage, the screwing you get isn’t worth the screwing you get.' Well, that may be, but bird by bird and duck by duck and maybe even rabbit by rabbit, I will come for you, and I will strangle you, and I will bury you in the yard under the birdbath."
“What are you mumbling about Ralph”
“Nothing, dear. I was just fantasizing about maybe hunting this year.”
"But you  haven’t gone hunting in years. You still have a gun?
“Well, I still have fishing gear. Yeah, fishing string. It could work.”
“What dear?”
“Never mind.”

THE END

Speaking of birdbaths, have you read Snpgrdxz and the Time Monsters yet? Scary humor with no extra charge for the romance. Four and 5 star reviews eagerly sought. Click here to purchase.