Changeling

Halfway home, my body shape-shifted. I became a rabbit. No a mouse. Crap a dog, now wait, a crap. No, a freaking skinny new tree. A yard ornament. What kind of pill did Harriet Hornknocker slip into my cola? Or did she plant it in my burger? Ahhhh, I’m a Canada goose. Honk. Change. No. Honk. Honk. Honk. Ruff-ruff, that’s better. A dog this time. Now what? Oh, no, I’m Harriet Hornknocker. Oh. Hey, I am Harriet Hornknocker. No. I’m not. Well, I'm sure if I had a mirror, I'd look a heck of a lot like old Harriet. There’s Binglesnoot. He’s got that crush on me, I mean Harriet. Hey, Bingle, shoosh, honk. Crap I’m a Canada goose again. Here he comes. Hi, Bingle. No, I’m okay. What do you mean why do I look like a rooster? You like the comb? And the tail feathers? Wait. I’m changing again. Help me, Bingle. Oh, no, I shrunk. I’m a freaking ant. Actually, I’m a pretty big ant. Check  me out. I’m a giant ant from an old black and white sci-fi movie. Oh wow, I am black and white. Hi, Mom, I'm home.