Scary Humor

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Beginning Part 2

A prelude to my novel Fulfillment

Awake

Back inside the safety of the glowing light of an oil lamp and the lingering warmth of a fading cooking fire, Mary found her mother wiping the last of the plates.

“Where’s your dish, Mary?” Mother asked.

“Oh, I must have dropped it outside with the food. May I take Big Ears with me, Mother?”

“Mary, you’re such a child! Joseph wants a wife, not a pet.”

“Well, it wouldn’t hurt to ask him. I think he likes dogs.”

“How would you know a thing like that?”

“I don’t really. I just said that I think he likes dogs. It’s what I think and what I hope. I will miss Big Ears if I can’t take him with me, Mother.”

“You’re not planning to take me along with you, too, are you?”

“Oh, Mother, of course not! You’re too old and besides, Daddy needs you here.”

“Thanks a lot, pal. Perhaps Daddy needs Big Ears. Somebody has to eat the scraps and I suppose lick the plates if you don’t run outside this instant and retrieve that plate, my young one.”

“Yes, mother. Where is Daddy, anyway?”

“He’s sleeping. He’s had a rough day and needs his rest. He’s not as young as he used to be. So you’ll be quiet, won’t you, dear?”

“Of course, Mother.”

As Mary started for the back door of the cottage, there was a loud rush of wind and the cooking fire flared up with a whoosh.

“Mother, what was that?”

“It’s probably just the wind. Perhaps a storm is on the way. We could use the rain.”

“It didn’t sound like any wind I ever heard,” Mary responded.

“Oh, Mary, the things you think about! Go get that plate, now. I’m waiting.”

Mary returned to the yard and snatched up the plate. Was that a giant moonlit shadow she saw crossing the stone wall behind her house again? Mary gasped for breath and then ran in.

“Mother, Big Ears never came for his supper. Do you suppose something could have happened to him?”

“Don’t be a worry-wart, child. He’s probably visiting his fiancĂ©. Dogs get married too, sometimes.”

“No they don’t. They just pretend they’re married and make puppies.”

“Mary!”

“Well, it’s true.”

“You’re far too young to speak of such things.”

“I’m engaged to be married. I have to know about these things!”

“I suppose, but you’re still a little girl to me.”

“Mother!”

“I know, dear. Time flies on eagle’s wings while here below, we just get older.”

“I’m going to my room now, Mother.”

“Give your mother a kiss before you go.”

“Yes, Mother.”

As Mary turned away from kissing her mother’s cheek, she heard a loud, hissing snake-like voice, “Marrrry, I amm heeee whoooo destroyssss you. I am he who rulesssss.”

Mary turned back to her mother and asked, “What was that?”

“What was what,” Mother replied.

“That horrible voice.”

“What voice?”

Mary awoke in her bed. How long have I been asleep?

THE END

The story continues in my novel Fulfillment

Satan had no idea who he was messing with.
Mary wasn’t your ordinary unmarried pregnant teenager. This kid had moxie and connections in extremely high places.

In Fulfillment, the secret concerning the baby in Mary’s womb attracts evil spirits, a woman-hating ancient Israeli monster named Lilith, a king, soldiers and a would-be lover all bent on destroying her. Mary’s journey, while steeped with betrayal and the foul stench of the ultimate demon, is a setup for an even bigger story. She discovers a lost love found, the promise of a newborn king, and a wealth of new friends from a dwarf with the heart of a warrior to the young mother who loses her husband and children in a bloody massacre. Laugh, cry and gain new insights into the Christmas story as you read Fulfillment.

“The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth so that he might devour her child the moment it was born.”
Revelation 12:4b

Click here to choose the paperback or Kindle version.

Paperback copies make excellent Christmas presents, especially for those who enjoy an original horror story. Tell them it's like Stephen King or Frank Peretti visiting the first century.

Click here to visit my author page on Amazon.

Friday, December 15, 2017

Beginning Part 1

A prelude to my novel Fulfillment

Asleep

As Mary waited for sleep, her thoughts turned to the evil that now haunted her.

“Yes, Mother. I will, Mother,” Mary remembered answering. She was being polite and submissive, not exasperated the way she really felt. She remembered grabbing one of the plates and gathering the scrapings of vegetable skins and leftover bones along with the crumbs of bread from the new wooden eating table and taking them into the yard in back of the family cottage. There she placed the scraps on the ground and called, “Big Ears! Come eat your supper.”

Mary listened. The gathering darkness hurried her thoughts. She did not like to be alone outside when the sun went down, even in her own family’s yard. “Big Ears!” she called again. A loud whoosh of wind passed close behind her, rustling her skirt. She suppressed an urge to cry out, speaking a soft, “Oh!” instead. She turned around but there was nothing, only the ever darkening sky. In the distance beyond the village limits, the hills disappeared in the blackness against the night.

“Big Ears!” she cried again, this time in the new direction toward the hills behind her village home. There was no response so she bent over and emptied the plate onto the ground. While she was bent over, she heard the roar.

She thought at first it must be the roar of a lion, but of course there were no lions in the hills nowadays. Perhaps a wolf, or maybe a leopard, she thought. But wolves do not roar, do they? Must be a leopard. Or a jackal. She slowly straightened her tiny back and shivered. Her face, which had been smiling when she came out of the house, now bore a frown of worry and something else. Her eyes slowly began to show the something else when a huge dark shadow passed along a stone wall in the yard. Her mouth opened slowly as she held back the urge to scream as long as she could. When the roar came again, she released a suppressed “huh!” and then dropped the plate on top of Big Ears’ supper. She turned and ran.

To be continued...
 

Satan had no idea who he was messing with.
Mary wasn’t your ordinary unmarried pregnant teenager. This kid had moxie and connections in extremely high places.

In Fulfillment, the secret concerning the baby in Mary’s womb attracts evil spirits, a woman-hating ancient Israeli monster named Lilith, a king, soldiers and a would-be lover all bent on destroying her. Mary’s journey, while steeped with betrayal and the foul stench of the ultimate demon, is a setup for an even bigger story. She discovers a lost love found, the promise of a newborn king, and a wealth of new friends from a dwarf with the heart of a warrior to the young mother who loses her husband and children in a bloody massacre. Laugh, cry and gain new insights into the Christmas story as you read Fulfillment.

“The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth so that he might devour her child the moment it was born.”
Revelation 12:4b

Click here to choose the paperback or Kindle version.

Paperback copies make excellent Christmas presents, especially for those who enjoy an original horror story. Tell them it's like Stephen King or Frank Peretti visiting the first century.

Click here to visit my author page on Amazon.


Friday, December 8, 2017

Fulfillment


As one critic wrote:
“This may be the most unique version of the Christian Nativity story ever written.… Author Paul R. Lloyd has turned his fertile and vivid imagination loose on a story that millions of people hold sacred and find too familiar to grab much attention during its telling. But hold on to your hats! This one is different!”

I suspect most people today think of Christmas as that cheery time when we gather the family, exchange gifts, fool little people into believing in Santa Clause, and oh by the way, celebrate the birth of Jesus in that stable in long ago Bethlehem.

What could be sweeter than the birth of a baby destined to grow up to save us from the evil clutches of Satan and an eternity in hell? Cool story, right? Except buried near the end of the Bible version, King Herod orders the murder of every male child under age two in the town of Bethlehem. This mass murder probably included a lot of girl babies, if you think about it, because soldiers aren’t particular when they have to fend off moms and dads attempting to protect their young. This means a lot of moms and dads may have died as part of that horrible event. It’s likely that a number of Bethlehem families were entirely wiped out.

The purpose of the mass execution was to kill the Christ child who King Herod saw as a threat to his family’s dynasty. So here’s the thing – this act of violence shows believers that the enemy – Satan and his minions – were out to stop the Messiah from saving the world. We think of this as a type of spiritual warfare.

I found it interesting that in more than 2,000 years following the massacre, no one had written a story about what Satan was up to while God was about the business of sending Jesus to save the world. No one, that is, until I wrote Fulfillment.

My story is about realistic people rather than plaster saints. People in ancient Palestine laughed, cried, celebrated, worried and did all the other things we normal type modern folks do. Mary and Joseph in my novel battle Satan’s attempts to destroy them and their baby.

As I thought about putting this story to electronic paper, I considered what would Satan’s natural strategy be? If Jesus is the Son of God, then he is way too powerful for Satan to attack directly. So what do you do if you’re Satan? Kill the mother before Jesus is born, that’s what.

But Satan had no idea who he was messing with. Mary wasn’t your ordinary unmarried pregnant teenager. This kid had moxie and connections in extremely high places.

In Fulfillment, the secret concerning the baby in Mary’s womb attracts evil spirits, a woman-hating ancient Israeli monster named Lilith, a king, soldiers and a would-be lover all bent on destroying her. Mary’s journey, while steeped with betrayal and the foul stench of the ultimate demon, is a setup for an even bigger story. She discovers a lost love found, the promise of a newborn king, and a wealth of new friends from a dwarf with the heart of a warrior to the young mother who loses her husband and children in a bloody massacre. Laugh, cry and gain new insights into the Christmas story as you read Fulfillment.

“The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth so that he might devour her child the moment it was born.”
Revelation 12:4b

Click here to choose the paperback or Kindle version.

Choose the Kindle version for yourself. Paperback copies make excellent Christmas presents, especially for those who are not likely to read the original Christmas story in the Bible but will read a horror story. Tell them it's like Stephen King visiting the first century.

Click here to visit my author page on Amazon.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Fearless Fall Reading


GHOSTLY YET ROMANTIC HUMOR
What makes those noises in the hidden spaces in your home after you send the kids to bed with candy-swollen bellies on Halloween night? What better time to leave a light on and read my novel Hags. As the body count rises, the police arrest Micah Probert, the ex-con who appears mighty suspicious if you ask Ahlman Brown – the man with gossamer wings hidden under his shirt. And will Micah learn the secret to clear his name and save Naperville, Illinois, from ancient hags and demons bent on destruction?

“It's like stepping into a Peretti novel, where the characters of the book are joined by the unseen characters - angels and demons.” Becky Davis in her Amazon review of Fulfillment by Paul R. Lloyd.

“Fast. Intense. No way around it. Paul is a top-notch noir writer. Top-notch.” Thomas Phillips, author of The Molech Prophecy

HAGS PREVIEW
Megan pulled at her skirt as she sat down. She wished she had worn slacks instead of her shortest outfit.

Dr. Langdon stepped behind his desk and picked up a file. He returned to the front of the desk and sat in the open seat, pulling it over so it touched Megan’s chair. He smiled while he opened the file. “Let’s talk about what we can do to bring up your math grade, Megan. I’d hate to have you not graduate with your class.”

He patted her on the hand.

Megan crossed her legs and stared at a smudge on the wall behind Dr. Langdon’s desk. She waited for what other girls said always came next.

To choose the paperback or Kindle version, click here.


Monday, October 9, 2017

Moving My Writer's Group to Wheaton

The Write Time Writers Group will move our meetings from Geneva to Vineyard Church of DuPage in Wheaton starting Thursday, October 12, 2017. Meetings run from 7:30 pm to 9 pm. I lead the group with a focus on helping members perfect their craft through workshops, writing exercises and critiques. There is no cost for membership. Established in 2004, the group meets regularly on the second and fourth Thursdays each month and welcomes writers of all ages and levels of experience from teens through seniors. Vineyard Church of DuPage is located at 1900 Manchester Rd, Wheaton, IL 60187.


Please visit my author's page on Amazon to purchase my novels and short fiction. Click here.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Writing Prompt #7

Prompt: What is the meaning of the …

4 Minute Timed Writing Exercise

Result

What is the meaning of the grunge band in our living room? That stuff sucked back in my day and it still sucks now. Can’t you kids learn the violin for crying out loud.

But dad, we’re a retro group. We call ourselves the Retros so we have to play stuff that sounds grungy.

Yeah Mr D. We even have a song in our second set that’s like totally grody. Did you have grody in your day, Mr. D?

How about Beach Boys, kids. You can’t go wrong with the Beach Boys.

Dad, that’s the worst thing you ever said.

Beach Boys?

Yeah, girls can’t do beach boys. They’re a boy band.

Oh, you knew that?

Dad, we are history majors you know.


*************************

Choose one of my stories for your next reading experience. Please let me know how you enjoyed it by commenting below or on Amazon. I also enjoy hearing from readers at my author’s email address which is paul dot lloyd dot author at gmail dot com. (Thanks for taking time to figure out that email address so I don’t have to worry about the spider bots getting me.) Include a copy of your Amazon receipt or just the receipt number and I'll email a free ebook to you.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

What Real Dialogue Sounds Like

Read Like a Writer Series #4

Feature novel: Steel Pennies for $0.99.

Have you ever become frustrated by a story’s dialogue? It sounds stilted. No one really talks that way. If the gang banger was that ticked off, why didn’t he use cuss words?

Dialogue may be the most difficult lesson for a writer to learn, yet it’s the thing that throws you as a reader right out of the story and onto another book.

What does real dialogue sound like? Writers imitate the speech they hear around them, but often forget or never learned that in weaving a well-told tale, the dialogue moves the plot forward. The challenge is to make it sound like real people while leaving out unnecessary verbiage.

As a reader of dialogue, you can sharpen your ear the same way you hone your ear for music – by listening. Next time you’re out and about, pay attention to the speakers around you. Yes, I want you to eavesdrop. Where are the best places for this nefarious activity? Try the obvious like your local coffee shop. Sit on a bench at your local mall so you can listen to the tidbits of conversation you pick up as people pass you by. Listen at work or school. What are people saying and how do they say it? TV and movies also provide a base for dialogue, but be careful to listen to good TV or films.

One of the fun things with movie dialogue is to listen to the characters in the old movies from the thirties and forties. Listen for slang that is no longer used or sappy romance dialogue that wasn’t believable then and is plain laughable today. When was the last time you heard someone say, “Oh, you big lug?”

This month’s full-length feature novel is Steel Pennies. “I contemplated how my hand had been up inside Cynthia’s skull.” Check out Steel Pennies, a noir thriller coming of age novel set in 1960. Read a chunk free on Amazon. Hey, it’s only $0.99 today.

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